Revolution: Genesis (Published)

Chapter 14: She Mattered

JACK

Maybe sometimes, holding on is better than letting go. Sometimes, even when you feel like there is no choice left for you, holding on to the hope of finding your way out is better than to just give up. But then again, the situation varies the circumstances, hence the will. Even when you have no idea about the situation at hand as well as the consequences you would face, holding on to your belief seems a far better option than letting your doubts overpower.

*'*'*

It dawned on me how much I had screwed up when I realized the pain I endured when Azura walked away. I knew it was right however wrong it felt. I couldn't risk her hating me more than this. She had become too dear to me and this reason was a mole hill compared to the mountain of my sins. The friends I had made through her had only made this all worse. I could handle the minority of this situation but I couldn't handle the majority of the reality.

She only wanted me to stay where else I wanted her not to stop me. It hurt me to do this but more so when I looked at her face. It took every ounce of my will power to not drop it all and cradle her like a baby, assuring her that none of this was her fault. It was all on me. I was the one who had to push her away, the only one who I had let in.

"You do realize that you just messed up with the one person who, I don't know, got you out of your shell unofficially making herself your savior?" Addison taunted, agreeing with my thoughts and making the current facade all the more real than it sounded in my head.

"She is the only reason Addison." I heaved a sigh of defeat as I watched Azura disappearing down the corridor. "I can't stay because of her." I gulped, turning towards Addison unable to pour out why, only for her to roll her eyes at me. She pursed her lips and crossed her arms, channeling out her feminist version. "Even when you just said the opposite to her, I can assure you, she knows that." She raised both her eyebrows and said that in a 'matter of fact' way, as I stared at her in confusion."What do you mean?"

"You idiot, the girl going to the lengths to get you here and making sure you have a good time around school is suddenly shut out when she has clearly given you many reasons to trust her enough to even just talk, knows it's about her." She ranted, trying to make me understand as she only increased the already piercing rue in my heart.

"You trying to defy that by saying that she isn't the reason just made her more upset. She isn't stupid Jack. I may have had my way from her but that was because I used her goodness against her and my intentions weren't evil." Her eyes softened and remorse covered them while she spoke. "She has dealt with more things than she lets on. You can keep putting her in the dark, dear brother, but she can read people better than anyone around here. And most of all, she can guess your intentions too." Addison sighed and crossed her arms while looking at me with expectant eyes.

I knew that she was anticipating my next move to be a little less dumb which was to say that she expected me to go after her and apologize. Meanwhile I was having an internal debate on my own because all of the sudden I contemplated whether I had done the exact thing I was trying to save her from. But if what Addison said was true then would it be possible to make her understand my choice?

Haven't you done enough? My subconscious interjected.

Even if you haven't yet, you can't forget what you've done to her in the past. It stung but it was true. My past was connected to her and I couldn't really ignore it more than I already had.

"Look, if you really don't want to stay then I'm not going to stop you. But you shouldn't leave this way. Just go and talk to her, I'm sure she will understand."Addison answered my unasked question and put a hand on my shoulder, patting twice and saying the words she had before. "After all, she might really be the one to help you out." She gave me an encouraging smile and lightly shoved me in the direction of where Azura went.