Limerence (Chaelisa)

Chapter 12: What If I Told You That...

"What went wrong is that I fell in love with you."

I gasp.

Chaeyoung looks me dead in the eye, and I can tell she's trying to catch my reaction.

How should I be reacting?

Oh, my god.

Is this why she left me for so long? Because she fell in love with me and got scared?

I mean, there have been times where I thought of having Chaeyoung as more than just a friend; times where I saw Chaeyoung in a way that was more than just platonic.

It started to happen in middle school, and at first, I was extremely confused.

One day, I had invited Chaeyoung over after school and we had fallen asleep on my bed after two hours of homework. When I woke up, Chaeyoung was sleeping right next to me and I had been really happy. Her breath was tickling my neck and I had thought, 'I wish I could wake up like this every day,' before thinking, 'is it normal for me to feel like this towards someone who's just supposed to be a friend?'

The second time, it was when Chaeyoung and I were at the mall to buy some clothes. We were thirteen at that time and going into eighth grade. All the fitting rooms were taken so Chaeyoung and I decided to share one. And when we changed, I couldn't help but let my gaze slip to her chest and linger there for just a little bit too long.

But before my feelings could really start building up to the point of being called 'love,' Chaeyoung and I had suddenly split apart.

And now I know why. Because the same thing had happened to her. She started to fall in love. But unlike me, her feelings developed way faster and she had apparently freaked out.

But all of this was too good to be true.

What if...Chaeyoung's just messing with me?

After everything Chaeyoung and I have gone through, this is too good to be true. And if it's too good to be true, then it's probably not true.

"Ch-chae-chaeyoung," I stutter, "please don't play with my feelings," I fix my gaze to my lap.

"Lalisa, look at me" Chaeyoung says, voice stern.

I look up and force myself to look her in the eye, faking confidence.

"I'm being serious. I've lied to you for so long, I've hidden the truth for so long, but I'm telling the truth now. And even though you might be really surprised, it's true. I did fall in love with you, and every day, I'm falling even deeper in love with you."

"Chaeyoung..."

"I know, you probably don't feel the same way. And that's why I never told you. And you probably hate me."

When I don't say anything, Chaeyoung starts to get up.

"Well, now that the truth is out, I guess we don't really have anything more to say to each other."

We have so much to say, but I can't think straight right now.

Because I'm surprised. Very pleasantly surprised.

Chaeyoung loves me. And I love her. Not as deeply, but with time, I'll probably fall even harder than she did.

"I guess this is goodbye then, for real this time," Chaeyoung says as she starts to walk away.

"No, Chaeyoung—" I get up from my seat on the couch and take her hand, effectively pulling her back before wrapping my arms around her torso, trapping her in a back hug.

I hear her inhale sharply, "Lisa, what are you—"

"Shhh, just let me hold you like this," I whisper into her ear.

Chaeyoung stiffens under my touch, but after a few seconds, I feel her muscles slowly start to relax.

"Chaeyoung," I say, my voice so quiet that if we weren't pressed against each other, she wouldn't have heard me.

"Hmm?"

"What if I told you that..."

Chaeyoung stiffens again.

"What if I told you that you weren't the only one who started to fall in love?"