After: 3

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I didn't like looking at myself. I felt uneasy about my appearance. I hated all of it.

I looked amazing. Flawless. I hated it.

I had done my makeup so well, so flawless and careful to make sure to cover all the bruises, cuts and scratches.  I was meticulous and careful- meticulous and careful now. Now. Now that the damage is done I use my head.

I had to look good today though, I had to look like I was cleaned up so I could start the process of cleaning up my mess. Fake it til you make it. That's what Cap told me anyway.

Hopefully my makeup lasts through all the tears I may shed today. I had to make things right with three very special people.

I only hope they can forgive me.

As quietly as I possibly could I left the guest room where I slept last night because I'm not in a good enough physical condition to climb up the little ladder that lead to my attic bedroom. I wasn't sneaking out but I just didn't want to see anyone at the moment. But unfortunately the guest room led straight to the living room, where everyone sat as the happy family they are.

But their happiness faded as soon as I walked in. They didn't mean it I'm sure. But it happened. The happy expression of my parent's changed anyway. The kids didn't really notice anything. They were too young and I couldn't be happier that they were this ignorant and innocent. They didn't have to know. I didn't want them to know. I wanted them to see me as their good older brother forever. Their older brother who was nothing but a boring good kid.

"Good morning everyone" I smile shyly.

"Morning Wil" Momma says with a forced smile.

"Pwivate, tell Captain to take us to the zoo" my little brother Haven struggled out.

"Yeah Private! We want to see the monkeys" Cova, Haven's older twin brother , said getting up and walking over to me to hold onto my pants and look up at me with his puppy dog eyes. These kids. So manipulative.

"Cova, if you want to see the monkeys just go look in the mirror Guppy" I cooed picking him up and holding him tight despite the aching pain I felt in my chest. Cracked ribs will do that to a person.

"But Private-"

"We'll take you to the zoo, Guppy" Momma said quickly taking Cova from my grip.

The kids all cheered in unison, even little baby Ophelia who was happily staring at the bottle of black tea she was guzzling down.

"What animal do you wanna see big brother?" Jamie asked, "we can see that one first!"

"No!" Momma quickly snapped at Jamie making the room a lot less warm and happy. Momma looked scared and worried when he looked at me. "I mean-"

"Dad means that Wil has a lot planned probably honey" Cap said stepping into the situation coolly while holding Ophelia to burp her "and that we shouldn't bother him." I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me that he called me Wil and not Private.

"Oh" Jamie whispered in disappointment. Which made our resident boo-boo kisser, Haven run to her and hug her telling her it's okay and that he'll buy her a beach house so that she's not unhappy anymore.

I looked over at Momma, he looked so scared of me as he held Cova. But he forced a smile for a little.

Cap announced that he's going to get the kids ready for a fun day at the zoo and that left me and Momma alone together after Cova wiggled out of his grip.

"We need to talk" we both said at the same time.

"I propose an outing?" I asked "dinner?"

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