Haylor- What Really Happened

Finding the roots

It was 3am and two nights after I saw Harry perform in Sydney (27/04/2018) and I was wide awake in bed. My mind was in this absolute state of rare clarity that comes and goes and I felt this overwhelming sadness that I could not explain. His album was playing softly in the background, as it always is, and I remember feeling as I always did, this swirling mix of anger and hurt that came with the question I always asked myself. Who hurt him?

Now it only got worse from there as I recalled the countless times he had said in interviews that "everyone writes from personal experience", silently implying that yes, he did too. Everyone that has heard his album properly, will understand to an extent what I'm trying to say. Let me explain what I mean by the term "properly" in this context.

When you listen to the music properly you allow yourself to be completely vulnerable, you open yourself up and just feel. Everything that the artist is putting down for you to pick up, you recognise it and connect with what you identify with the most. You put aside your preconceived notions for the artist, or the genre or the pressure you might sometimes feel to like it in this day and age. Because it's "cool" or it's your idol and you feel as though you have to kiss their ass.

 It's a given but I have to say it. 

To really hear music, you have to put aside your judgement first and then give permission for yourself to just be. You have to allow yourself to become connected. 

And I tried to do all of this when I first played his album, and I was highly emotional, extremely proud and a little bit shocked with how different his style was. But it soon became one of those rare albums that I put on replay, because every single song on it took me to a different place, a different time.

I was crying for people that I didn't even know existed. 

So it goes without saying that Harry Styles, the debut album, hit me hard. It was raw, it was powerful and it was honest. And honest hurts. 

FROM THE DINING TABLE

Arguably the most emotional song on the whole album, right next to Meet Me In The Hallway due to the complete misery and hopelessness that seems to ooze right through my speaker and into my bones. You can't write shit that genuine if it didn't come from somewhere deep. Don't @ me. 

But here is where it started for me, the curiosity, the questions and the burning desire to just know. It started with those two songs. 

What happened? What did he go through? Who hurt him? Who did he hurt? 

Who was she?   

Did they love each other? 

It was rather ridiculous seeing as my subconscious knew the answer to half of these questions, but I wanted to know the other half. And remember when I said my mind felt so incredibly clear? I took advantage of that, and I dug around like the nosy hoe that I am. But I have my flaws, and you have yours, and that's not an excuse but I'm going to use it anyway. 

So I looked into 3 albums

Made In The A.M

1989

Harry Styles

Let's go.