heartbreak(er)

XIII

It was all slow.

I told your friend we had to keep our friendship quiet because I didn't want you thinking things badly.

He too didn't want you to find out, he was guilty, he was guilty for obvious reasons.
I could see that in his eyes, when he would finally make it out the school building, apologizing, saying he got held up.
I usually knew what he meant, it was you, you'd held him up with all your questions.

I would shrug it off, asking if he had the cigarettes, which yes, I now smoked.
I sometimes wanted to kiss him, just to get this process over with, the whole getting back at you.

And others I wanted to kiss him for me, to forget of you and replace your memory with someone new.
But god he was so much like you. I couldn't help but notice all the ways his gestures and even some things he would say were just like yours.
Or maybe I just never could get you out my mind and I connected everything back to you. I'm not sure.
It was hard to try and stop loving you.