Remains

For Now / P!nk

"Do you still have the scar on your leg?" 

Isabelle nodded, turning her left leg slightly so that the back of her calf was exposed. Liam's eyes widened as he caught sight of the discoloured oval dip in her skin. She moved her leg again so that it was out of sight, not wanting him to stare at it. 

"I don't like people looking at it," she said, looking down. 

Liam tilted his head to the side, hoping she would elaborate. 

"All people saw after that was the physical scarring. They cared more about the scars on the outside more than the internal ones. But the truth is, even though the bullet left a mark, the impact was nothing compared to the damage mentally." 

After speaking, Isabelle lifted her head to meet Liam's gaze. 

"I just..." She began, her voice cracking, "I just wish I could turn back the time, back to that day and change my decisions. If I had of just not gone to the store that day, maybe things would have turned out differently. If I wasn't hiding in the wine area, if Elijah never found me, maybe he would still be alive."

Liam was about to intervene, but she wasn't finished. "Maybe Elijah would have been the one to make it out. He was so brave jumping in front of me like that, and he should have been the one to survive. Even if I didn't know anyone else in the store, I just wish he was the person that lived, not me. Elijah did something that made me see that he deserved to survive. He deserved it far more than me." 

"No," he responded quickly, "the fates are cruel. Life is unfair, and that's how it is. My brother saw something in you that made him believe that you earned the right to escape. The more I get to know you, the more I can see why he did it." 

"Oh, stop." Isabelle warned, slowly getting worked up. 

"As much as you don't want to believe it, there's so much good inside you, masked by the bad things that should happen to nobody. I know how hard it is, but I'm sure that you could get back to your regular self with a little bit of help." 

"Everything good inside of me died alongside every single other person in that store!" Isabelle snapped, a frustrated tear dripping onto her lap. 

Liam was slightly taken aback by her outburst. 

"Don't try and give me that 'oh, I understand your pain. All you need is a little bit of help and everything will be happy clappy, butterflies and rainbows!' because that's not how it works! I had two years of intensive therapy and it did nothing! Not even my best friend could do anything. Sadie tried so hard to make the pain go away, but all she managed to achieve was make her visits further apart. She always had an excuse and now she doesn't even come anymore. She couldn't handle the raw emotion I was showing, and she abandoned our friendship because I'm too weak to even pretend like I'm okay." 

Liam inhaled deeply. "Maybe Sadie felt terrible that she sent you to get food from the store and got you into that mess. She probably hates herself because you went in there because of her. After seeing how much agony that put you in, she probably couldn't stand to see you like that when she was at fault." 

"So you don't think she just didn't want to be around me because I was weak and struggling?" Isabelle whispered, breathing heavily. 

"Of course not. I think she just couldn't stand to see you in so much pain. I can hardly imagine the guilt she must have felt." 

Isabelle bowed her head, agreement resonating within her.  

"Now, what happens next?" He asked, referring to her story, "if you're ready to continue, that is." 

Isabelle looked up quickly, wiping off any stray tears from her face and taking in a steady breath. 

"I'll tell you a bit more, and then I want to stop for the day. If you could come back tomorrow after this next bit, I'd really appreciate it," she said, preparing to reveal more of herself to him.

He smiled, letting her know that he was ready when she was. 

Although she felt there would never be a time when she was ready to accept what happened, she knew that this was the first step to it. 

You can only take things one step at a time, she told herself, but it only comes down to how big your step is.