Looking At Us

56. erick

‘‘Are you doing the Pudge and Lara scene from Looking for Alaska?’’ Shain asked as I tickled her skin gently with my finger. 

     I frowned. ‘‘The what?’’

     ‘‘The scene where they’re camping and Pudge puts his hand in Lara’s sleeping bag and tickles her arm and then they kiss,’’ she explained quickly. ‘‘From Looking for Alaska. Great book.’’

     ‘’Oh. Um. Well, I’ve never read it, so it wasn’t my intention . . .’’ I didn’t know what to say. Maybe she wanted me to do that scene. Tickle her arm and then kiss her. God, my brain didn’t want to work. 

     She twined her fingers in mine. The only light in the room was coming from beneath the door, the only sound was our breathing and the nervous flutters of my heart. Shain’s curly brown hair dangled over her pillow; her gray eyes looked like diamonds. It was like she wanted me to kiss her, but it would be okay if I didn’t kiss her, too. And I wanted to kiss her. I just didn’t know how. Sasha’s ‘lesson’ had totally left my mind. 

     ‘‘After you finish this,’’ she said, pointing to The Maze Runner and leaning closer, ‘‘you should read Looking for Alaska. Best book ever. Also, The Fault in Our Stars. Both by the same author.’’ 

     ‘‘Which one’s your favorite?’’ I whispered. 

     She shrugged, and I realized that we were centimeters apart. ‘‘Both. They’re extremely good, and I deeply encourage you to read them, Erick.’’ 

     And then she kissed me. I could taste Coke on her lips, and I remembered that I’d had a pepsi and some chips while at the cliffs, so I probably didn’t taste any different, but she didn’t notice. We were kissing. 

     Then she laughed slightly and pursed her lips, breaking away from me. I watched her, wondering if I sucked at kissing, cursing myself for not being a better kisser. But she pulled her hand out from the sleeping bag and brushed her hair back, grinning nervously. 

     ‘‘You squeezed my fingers pretty hard,’’ she said quietly. I couldn’t see her face too well in the light, but that was okay, because then she couldn’t see me blush. ‘’I could feel my pinky going numb.’’

     ‘‘I’m sorry,’’ I said, still wondering if I was a crappy kisser. ‘’I got excited.’’

     ‘‘That’s okay,’’ she said, and she kissed me again, putting her fist on my chest and moving her lips in sync with mine. I put my other hand—which was still inside her sleeping bag—on her waist, brushing her shirt up a bit so that I could feel her skin. A small part of my brain was still stressing about how to kiss—should I use my tongue? Should I do more physical contact? What if she wants me to use my tongue?—but the bigger part of my brain concentrated on Shain’s smell of coconut and how she kissed me softly but passionately, like she was nervous about it but she was an expert at it. 

     I heard the door open slightly, but I didn’t move. Shain kept kissing me. I heard Megan’s voice, and then Cori’s: ‘‘They are the best couple in the world.’’ Then I felt Shain smile, and I pulled back for a second before kissing her again, long and hard, and eventually we kissed so much that it became kind of boring, so I held her in my arms and we fell asleep to Megan and Cori’s anxious giggles. 

     I felt Megan touch my shoulder. She said, ‘‘You did good, Erick,’’ and I whispered back, ‘’I know. Thank you.’’