I'm Not Okay

Back To Hell

I get dressed for school the next morning, putting on a Falling In Reverse shirt and black cut jeans. I put on make up to at least make my self feel pretty. I put on black eyeliner, my favorite thing in the world. I grabbed my books and started to walk to school. People can tell when I'm depressed or angry but no one does a thing about it! I was walking until I feel someone pull up next to me. It's Gerard. "Hi, I think someone needs a ride!" he says getting out and picking me up, putting me into the car with out me even saying yes. "Let me see your arms sugar." Gerard says grabbing my right arm. I pull my sleeve down but he pulls it up, his soft, cold skin against mine. I wince in pain. He looked at me. "Why?" I didn't know what to say. I was speechless and didn't even notice that Brooke and Frank were in the car as well. I stood there, feeling ashamed. "I tried to stop you and even took all your weapons, but I couldn't stop you from yourself." Gerard said driving to school, not even trying to talk. "I'm sorry I'm not strong enough to stop myself!" I yell to get everyone's attention. Brooke just looked at me and sighed," And neither am I." I turned around and looked her in the eyes. "What?" I said not hesitating. "Nothing? I didn't say anything!" she says pulling her sleeves down. I didn't feel like arguing or putting her into the place I was so I simply turned back around. We all sat in silence until we got to the school. "Here we go, let the mocking begin.." I mumble to myself. Gerard was mad at me and Brooke does the same shit I do, just a great thing to start off the day! I go to my locker and look at all the pretty cards that Gerard, Brooke and Frank made. "Wish I had you when I needed you." I said grabbing one card and flipping it over. It was a card from Brooke, I could tell from her hand writing and the superman symbol in the corner. "I love you, have a great day and don't forget to scream the lyrics to your favorite song as loud as you can so I can hear it and yell the lyrics back!" I'm glad I've only them. Without them I'd probably disappear. As I go to grab another book from my locker, it's slammed shut and I'm pushed. I move my hair out of my face to see the group that almost beat me the day before we left. "What do you want?" I mumble. "Since I don't see any of the emo squad I'm going to assume you are alone?" one of the boys said. "Yes I'm alone, I've had a bad enough day can you leave me alone?" I ask walking away when someone grabbed my hair. "Bitch where are you going?" a blonde girl said grabbing a fist full of my hair. By this point everyone was in their first class. "Let go!" I say with tears in my eyes. She did as I said, letting me fall to the ground. I let a tear roll down my face, then look up at them. I get up and walk away again, but then seeing another guy and girl waiting for me. I guess I'm not leaving this one. All I could think of is "let them beat you, you can go home early". I slid my back down the wall and looked down, waiting for the punching to begin.

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