Unstuck

One

Learning to blend in. What a difficult thing to do. I never ever achieved that. I had a lot of accomplishments in life but blending in was never one of them. I always stood out and always loved every minute of it... until one day I didn't anymore.  

"Lucinda Stuart" The blonde girl at the front desk smiled at me. I nodded, agreeing to the sound of my own name. "Mr. Johnson will be with you any minute now" I nodded again and brushed my hands on my black pencil skirt, straightening down what was already ironed perfectly. 

Waiting for job interviews was another thing that I was not used to. I never felt the nerves of being the one sitting out in the waiting room, holding my breath for the interview that would define my fate.... Until then. It was a weird feeling. Not knowing. I did not care for it at all. 

"Mr. Johnson will see you now," said the chic receptionist as she stood up to guide me through a glass door. I quickly checked my strawberry blonde hair perfectly straight one last time, my red lips perfectly outlined. I totally looked the part. 

"This way," the girl pointed towards a big office where I was greeted by a blond man, probably mid-thirties, looking a bit... stressed. He stretched his hand out. "Miss Stuart. Nice to meet you." Now, I recognize that name. The only one I responded and reacted to, the way most of the people I know call me. 

I shook Mr. Johnson's hand and sat on the black leather chair in front of his desk. "Thank you, Lauren, That will be all." he smiled to her and she was out of sight.

"So..." Mr. Johnson seemed to be looking for something in particular stashed somewhere in between all the papers on his desk. It made me want to grab them all and stack them in alphabetic order for his convenience. "I seem to have lost your resume," he continues on his search through his drawers. 

"I brought another one," I said as I handed him an unwrinkled perfect blue folder with my name printed on it and my resume inside it.  

"Oh! Lifesaver," he smiled and without even looking at it, he gave me the smile. I knew that smile, I'd given that smile. I invented the smile. I wasn't going to get the job. Why was I there then? 

"Miss Stuart, I'm sorry to let you know that the position has been filled. However, I noticed something in your resume that made me call you. So, let's take a look at it, shall we?"  

In the span of one sentence I felt pain, nausea, relief and hope. I never thought that looking for a job would be this hard. 

"Hmmm," I heard Mr. Johnson hum as he read through my resume, nodded, then turned the page and looked up at me with a smile on his face. Without even realizing it I was leaning forward in my chair, expecting to hear words, any words.

"You DO know this interview is for the position of personal assistant, don't you?" I just nodded and he looked directly at me again. "Ok," he seemed to give up making sense of my resume."I want to know why," he leaned back on his chair and crossed his arms across his chest.  

I had no idea what he was talking about. "Why?" I looked around and back at him. "Why what?" I spoke so soft it was almost a whisper.  

"Why do you want this job? It is obvious that you are overqualified for the position and that you could be anywhere else looking for something more like...." He held my resume up and pointed at it."...this." 

"Oh," I said. My brain started to work on a possible answer. I knew they were going to ask me this. So I might as well be honest and not care about it since it seemed the job wasn't going to be for me. 

"I got tired," I shrugged and he narrowed his eyes, looking attentively. 

"Tired?" He repeated. 

"Yes, tired." I said with a smile.  

"Do you think being a personal assistant is not a job that will get you tired too? Even more so?" he giave me a questioning smile. 

"I got tired of the attention," I said immediately knowing what he had meant. It only got another puzzled look from him and I sighed. I was going to have to elaborate. 

"All my life I was an overachiever, it came natural to me. All I had to do was work and think and achievements just arrived at my front door. And I loved every minute of it, until I didn't. Suddenly, I was tired. I was 'Miss Stuart' and nothing more. And then everything, every little detail in my life, was planned around the Miss Stuart persona I'd built through the years so, just like that, I gave it all up." I shrugged and smiled. 

"You gave up being head of administration of a major company?" he asked in disbelief. Oh god, he must have thought they fired me because I slept with my boss or committed tax fraud.  

"Yes, I gave up being 'Miss Stuart'. It got tired." It was the truth. Truth-ish. All I had to lose was not getting this one job so I just smiled back at him.  

"Ok.." he said and it seemed he had no idea where to start. " As you know.." he patted the desk and looked up to meet my eyes. "We are looking for a personal assistant that has experience in the administration and H.R. areas. What's your experience in that?" he said, seeming troubled.  

"Which matter? Administration or HR...." My question lingered while I looked at him. It seemed that he needed help to make it through the interview. 

"Oh, Jesus," He threw his hands up in the air and I jumped a little in my chair. "I do not even know how to interview you. It is obvious that you know all of this. What I really want to ask is," he leaned forward, almost getting up from his chair and looked me deep in the eyes, " Are you willing to take a job where you will no longer have the upper hand and all your activities are going to be dictated by the comings and goings of someone else's life?" Oh! I was worried I was being interviewed by someone who had no idea what to do, but now I see the head of HR in front of me. I gave him the widest, whitest, red lipped smile I could and answered, "Yes!" as excited as I could sound. Was I? Was I really ready to do that? Isn't this change of life supposed to be that? A 180 degree kind of change.  

He nodded, typed something on his computer and looked at me again. "Ok, then. What's Next?" I did not answer assuming it was a rhetorical question and Ialso assuming he was about to remind me the position had been filled "You'll go on to the final interview, In New York." New York? "You'll fly there right now; they're already expecting you." He picked up his briefcase and dialed some number on his phone. "Scott, we're on our way.... Good.... See you there". He looked at me and smiled "After you," as he signaled to the door.