Harry sat up with a sharp cry. He gripped the sheets tightly as he slowly looked around the dark bedroom, trying to catch his breath and block out the images of his nightmare. It took him a couple of minutes to realize he was still in the bedroom of Zayn malik's penthouse. He looked to the other side of the bed but the man wasn't there.
He held his face and closed his eyes. The man had left him after all and he knew it shouldn't hurt but it did. He slowly moved to lie back again, staring into the darkness and letting his mind wander. Everything replayed in his mind again and again. He didn't feel any remorse, any fear – nothing. He just felt numb.
He silently wondered if it was a bad thing that he felt numb or not but the feeling was pleasant. He heard his stomach growl and realized he hadn't eaten in almost three days but he didn't want food. He just wanted the drugs again. Harry wondered if that feeling would always haunt him.
He slowly sat up again and threw back the blankets, shivering as the cold air touched his bare skin. It took the man a moment to realize his clothing had been removed. Harry sighed softly and reached to turn on the lamp sitting on the bedside table. He spotted a melted ice pack on the mattress beside his swollen ankle. At least he kept his promise about that. The man bitterly thought before carefully getting off the bed. He spotted a robe on the lounge chair across from the bed.
Harry got out of the bed, careful not to put any pressure on his ankle. He pulled on the robe, tightening it around his waist before sitting down on the chair, feeling totally exhausted. Every inch of him ached. He was tempted to get back into the warm bed but Harry just wanted to go back home.
He scoffed at the thought. That apartment was not home. He wanted to go back to his apartment, to his comfortable and warm bed. He wanted to see his parents again, his brother and Niall but that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. Not until Zayn malik and his men were behind bars. Harry licked his dry lips as he thought about how gentle the man had taken him earlier.
It had been so gentle but there was still a coldness there. It was just sex; nothing more and nothing less. He felt so weak as he stood up from the lounge chair and slowly walked to the door before pulling it open. The living room of the apartment was dimly lit by the large flat screen TV. He felt surprised when he spotted Zayn malik standing in front of the large window.
Harry softly cleared his throat but the older didn't respond. He took a moment to simply look at the man. His posture was so calm, so relaxed. He watched as the man reached out and touched the glass, almost as if he was reaching out to grab the world in front of him before dropping his hand back down to his side. The younger furrowed his brows, wondering what was going through zayn's mind.
Zayn turned around and stared at him for a moment before speaking. “You're awake.”
The younger nodded his head, unsure of what to say. The man turned back to the window. Harry swallowed thickly before hesitantly walking over and standing beside zayn. “You shouldn't be standing.” The man said without looking at him.
“It's okay.” Harry quietly spoke.
“Were you scared, Harry?”zayn suddenly asked, finally giving the younger his full attention. Harry looked at him in surprise. He didn't want to admit he had felt scared but he slowly nodded his head anyway.
Of course he had been scared. He was human, after all. Harry sighed heavily. He'd thought that all of his training had prepared him and that he was much braver. Actually doing a case like this was completely different. It wasn't anything like training. The man realized how foolish he had been to think something like this would be easy. It wasn't. It was literally taking everything out of him, emotionally and psychically. The man thoughtfully stared at him before looking back out the window again. Harry really wondered what he was thinking. “Do you ever get scared?” He hesitantly asked.
The man chuckled. “No.” Things went silent again, the only noise was the TV on in the background. Harry let himself watch zayn from the corner of his eye, taking in just how unguarded the man looked right now. He didn't look like the Zayn malik he was used to seeing.
This man was much more peaceful and. . . normal. He quickly shook the thoughts away. He couldn't look at zayn like that. “Can I ask you a question?” The older nodded his head and he continued. “Did you get the information you needed from max?”
The older suddenly smiled. “I know everything about that man.” Harry furrowed his brows. “This was simply a test. You passed.”
“So, what I did wasn't necessary? It was just a test?” He couldn't help the annoyance in his voice. No one had to be killed; the violence that had happened earlier on could have been avoided. None of that had to happen.zayn stared at him with an unreadable expression and Harry swallowed thickly, realizing he should have just kept his mouth shut.
“You were the one who came to me.” His voice was calm but harsh. “You know very well what kind of job this is.”zayn turned so he was fully facing the younger. They held eye contact and Harry felt his throat closing up at how dark the older man's expression was. “If you want to leave, I'll give you this one chance."
Harry's eyes widened in surprise. Would Zayn malik really let him go just like that? He looked down and thought over it for a moment. The thought of leaving and never coming back seemed so welcoming even though he knew the man wouldn't just let him go like that. He could drop this case and things could go back to normal. “You should leave. You're not strong enough for this.”
The younger immediately looked up and met eyes with him. “I'm not leaving.” He calmly spoke. Harry's voice sounded so foreign, even to himself. “I was just overwhelmed. I'm not leaving.” He repeated.
Zayn suddenly looked pleased. “Good.” He paused for a moment, a smirk appearing on his lips. “I'm glad I don't have to kill you.”
Harry stared blankly at him. He wasn't even surprised by the older man's twisted words and in a way, he had expected something like that. He knew his life meant nothing to Zayn malik. It hurt more than he was willing to admit. Was this case even worth it? Would he ever be able to gain the man's trust? Or would he always be some sex toy to zayn?
Harry frowned deeply before accidentally putting too much pressure on his swollen ankle. He hissed softly and zayn sneaked his arm around the younger man's waist. Harry tensed up for a moment before almost naturally relaxing and leaning into the man.
He closed his eyes, hating himself for giving in so easily. He hated himself for melting under this man's touches. Harry felt zayn's arm tightening around him and he sighed softly. He couldn't understand how the man could go from talking about killing him to holding him so tightly, almost as if he didn't want to let him go.
I hate you. Harry thought as he rested his head against the older man's shoulder. I hate you so much. He wrapped his own arm around zayn's waist. The two lost track of the time, holding each other tightly and gazing out at the illuminated city below them.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Harry glanced around the parking lot of his decoy family's hotel. He didn't see anyone but that didn't mean they weren't there. He sighed softly. It had been weeks since he'd last seen or heard anything from Zayn malik. He had been instructed by Louis to rest and they would call when he was needed.
He knew he should be thankful he had some time to rest and recover but sitting around and waiting was beginning to eat him alive. He couldn't sleep; nightmares kept tormenting him at night. The cravings he was having for the drugs were beginning to drive him insane and his jaw and head would hurt in the morning from grinding his teeth together.
