Heartbreak Girl // A.F.I

14

Kelsey's POV // New Haven, Connecticut // August 2016 (3 Years Later)

The time has gone by so incredibly quickly. What happened three years ago turned out to truly keep us from hating each other, and saved our friendship, I think. though that's not saying much by how much I tried to avoid talking to him, especially for that first couple of months after we broke up. Not that it's hard to avoid somebody who is halfway across the country, or the world, from you at any given point in time. There were times I wouldn't answer for hours on hours because I didn't know what to say to him, though I still would end up responding. It was making it harder for me to move on. I think he got the hint after a while, but I regret doing that in the first place, even if it was necessary to help me move on. I felt like that was the start of the unraveling of the bond we built.

I've kept in closer contact with Calum, and Michael and Luke, for that matter, than I have with Ashton. That has really been something to get used to. Going from talking every single day for years and years to only speaking once a week, if even that, was sure something to get used to. I had decided in my head that the chapter of him and I was finished a couple of months after talking to him on certain occasions. I realized that he wanted to move on. 

And then I found out he started seeing a new girl about 6 months after we broke it off. That really opened a wound that I thought had healed, knowing that he moved on so quickly. And from what Calum has told me, she didn't and still doesn't want him to have anything to do with me, and rightfully so, I guess. At that point, he stopped talking to me. I would get the occasional text from him, just wishing me happy birthday or things like that, but all other communication from him ceased. What I mourned the most was what I felt like was a total loss of him, not just the loss of him as my partner. After I got over my initial avoidance of him, I would reach out to tell him what was going on in my life and to see what was going on in his, just to rekindle our friendship, but would never get a response. I think the last time we spoke was when I congratulations to him for their album release. 

Luke says he never brings it up to them or says I'm being annoying, or anything at all. I began to get used to the fact that he didn't want much to do with me anymore, and I began to move on with my own life. My friends at Yale were very supportive of me and helped pull me out of the rut I was in, much like Jocelyn, Calum, Luke, and Michael have. I ended up having a great school year and spent my weekend partying and hooking up, enjoying my single life. Though that probably wasn't the healthiest coping mechanism, looking back, I turned out fine. I started to stop thinking about him all of the time.

Being on tour with the boys and helping with tour content did help me build my portfolio, which helped me secure an internship this summer and fall with a local live entertainment company's video department. I've gotten to help out with local shows and get the live experience I've wanted. Things really have been going well. The boys are back in America on their second headlining tour, I had to tell Calum I wasn't able to come due to my commitment to my internship, which really wasn't a lie. I do regret not going to their past couple of tours because truth be told, I missed being around them. I have seen Calum, Luke, and Michael a few times since, but not Ashton. 

I sit up as the morning sun streams into my window. The golden light illuminates every inch of my apartment, and I move to get up and try not to disturb my hookup from the night before as she sleeps. Our relationship is complicated, but we would be best described as "friends with benefits," because neither of us is looking for anything serious. I walk over to my closet, and a pile of shirts comes tumbling down. As I rummage through the loose shirts, one, in particular, catches my eye. I pick it up, and unfold it, and realize it's one of Ashton's. The smell of his cologne somehow still clings to the fabric. I completely forgot I had this. Wonder how I missed that one when sending him his stuff back? I hold it in my hand for a minute and walk over to the trash can, ready to throw it away, but something holds me back. I can't quite tell what. Nostalgia? Still wanting him? No. I can't put my finger on what it is, but I fold it back up and throw it to the back of my closet. I'll just give it back to him the next time I see him, or maybe to other guys when I see them. Yeah. I realize this is the first time I've really thought about him in weeks. I really do wish I could make time to go see them in Foxborough, but duty calls at work.