Quiet Backstage: A Series of Lippa Oneshots

Perfect // Panic Attack

For purposes of this oneshot, both Lin and Pippa are single. No disrespect to Vanessa or Steven, they are both lovely people!

It was never like Pippa to be just so overwhelmed with anxiety, but ever since leaving Comet and joining Hamilton, she had definitely started to be a little more anxious here from time to time. She couldn't exactly pinpoint the reason why, it just was something that she had to learn to overcome. But recently, it had gotten to be worse than ever. She was scared to even speak to Lin or the cast in fear that she'd say something wrong or do something wrong; something so wrong that it would cost her her role in this cast.

"Hey, Love, I'm home!" Lin called out, setting bags of groceries down. He had gone out and done the shopping for them this time. He dropped Pippa off at home first, because she said she wasn't feeling her best. Between now and then, Pippa had just curled herself under the covers of their shared bed, trying to keep her racing mind at bay before it ran too far away. She didn't want Lin to have to deal with her being overly stressed tonight; he had a lot to focus on, now that Hamilton is on Broadway, and she was already too much of a burden on him anyway (that's what she thought). "Pippa?" Lin asked quietly once more as he travelled up the steps and saw their bedroom door ajar. He opened the door slowly and saw Pippa laying tucked under the covers, her back facing the door. Lin smiled to himself at her seemingly calm appearance. He kicked his shoes off carefully and climbed into the bed beside her. "Hi, Princess." Lin carefully draped an arm around her waist. Pippa held her breath right as she heard Lin's voice. He couldn't know how shaky her breaths were; having to deal with that would be too much of a burden on him.

"H-Hi." Pippa said, trying to force her breaths to steady. Feeling her sudden tension made Lin concerned.

"Pip, what's wrong?" His voice was laced with worry. "Come here." Lin lovingly trailed his fingers up her arm to her shoulder, and he gently turned her to her other side to face him. At this, Pippa quickly hid her face under the fluffy white covers and pillows around her. This only made Lin more worried. "Pippa?" Now, she couldn't help it. She couldn't force her breaths down anymore, she couldn't bite her tongue to keep from audibly crying anymore, she couldn't help it. The mounds of blankets she was buried under began to shake as her breaths became more and more shallow and unsteady. "Pip..." Lin's voice trailed off as he slowly took the covers away from her face. "Princess, what's wrong?"

"N-Nothing." Pippa lied right through her teeth.

"Something is wrong." Lin's heart cracked at the sight of his girlfriend all panicked like this. He trailed his hands through her hair in an attempt to maybe calm her down. "Tell me what's going on in that pretty head of yours." Lin pressed a kiss to her forehead. His heart broke even more when Pippa buried her face into Lin's shoulder and her tears began to soak into his shirt. He couldn't stand seeing her so distressed.

"I-I don't want, don't want to bother y-you." She took in another shaky breath. "D-Don't...please don't worry about, about me."

"Pippa, you're my girlfriend, my princess. Of course I'm going to worry about you." Lin rubbed her cheek with his thumb. "I love you, and I want to be able to stop whatever is bringing you this much pain." No matter the amount of sweet words Lin told her, she still couldn't take them to heart. Heck, she couldn't hear them. All she could hear was her heart racing, and her scattered thoughts.

Pippa finally locked eyes with Lin, and in that split second, she threw the covers off of herself and stood up. Lin could tell it was difficult for her to stand up, taking into account how shallow her breaths were. "I-I'm sorry, I'm being like, like this. I..." Pippa left the room as fast as she could on her unbalanced legs. Lin followed her down the steps, almost being able to understand where this was headed. He watched broken heartedly as she tried to grab a glass for water, but her fingertips were too weak, and the glass hit the floor, cracking to pieces. She instantly looked over to Lin, her eyes looked as scared as ever. "I'm s-sorry, I'm so sorry, I'll--"

Lin interrupted her. "Phillipa, Princess, breathe, please, I don't want you getting sick." He wrapped his arms around her. "Don't worry about the glass, it is nothing to stress over, it's okay." Lin continued to whisper 'it's okay' into her ear as he picked her up bridal style and sat her down on the small sofa nearby. "Breathe..." He modeled a steady breathing rhythm. "Good. Perfect, My Love." Lin said as Pippa's breathing began to get a little less choppy. Lin smiled gently as he watched Pippa's eyes land on her hands, where his thumbs had been massaging circles into her palms to help steady her breaths. Eventually, Pippa's breaths did even themselves out, and she leaned her head back onto Lin's shoulder. He rubbed her back and whispered something to her in Spanish. She didn't know what it meant, but whatever it was, it was beautiful, and it did calm her all the way down in a way.

Pippa looked back up at Lin, her cheeks flushed bright red, and her makeup from earlier smeared. "Hi." She said quietly.

"Hi." Lin smiled and kissed her lips. "Are you sure you're okay? Do you want to talk about it?" Pippa's eyes dropped to her lap once more. "Hey," Lin tilted her chin up to face him once again. "I'll kill whoever brought that upon you, I'll hurt whoever you need me to, especially if they're in the cast, and if nothing else, I'm here for you, no matter what."

"So you'd kill me?" She asked under her breath.

"Hmm?"

"You said you'd kill whoever brought that upon me, and I said, 'so you'd kill me?'" It took Lin a moment to process what she had said, and when it finally sank in, his comforting smile melted away. "I'm sorry I'm not perfect."

"Why do you tell yourself these things? Phillipa, you're amazing. You're talented. You're gorgeous. I could go on all day." Lin chuckled softly. "Why do you think you're not perfect? Because you're lying to yourself, Babe."

"I'm just...I just...I don't know, Lin. I just do, because I know that there are plenty of women out there; ones more talented, ones that are prettier than I am, yer here I am, sitting on your couch, sharing your apartment, and waking up next to you every morning, and I just don't get why you casted me and are in love with me on and offstage at that, when I'm not perfect." She sighed. "Because you're perfect, and you deserve someone just as amazing as you are."

"Phillipa Soo, you're playing my wife, sitting here, waking up next to me, and living here because I genuinely think that you are immensely talented, and I love everything about you. Your flaws in your eyes aren't flaws in mine. I love you, Pip."

"I love you too, Lin."

A/N: Man, rough ending, but how are you guys liking the oneshots? Should I continue?