heartbreak girl | s.m.

26 | déjà vu

chapter playlist⏯
• enemies - lauv
• happier - ed sheeran
• stay - khalid

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some days later
gemma clark >>>

I did not think this would happen today. I'm not sure if I thought it would happen ever. But he's here, standing at my door. I didn't know what to do.

"Hey Gem," Jake said with a weak smile. His eyes were tired, he was pale, his hair was messier than usual...he didn't look good. He didn't look like the charismatic Jake Dempsey I used to know.

"Jake," I said, trying to keep my composure. "What are you....what's up?"

I rethought my words. I told myself to not get mad at him. It's cool. Obviously he's just here to give me my stuff that was still in his possession. I'm over him, and this is just a simple exchange.

He held up the box he was holding, as if I didn't see it covering half his torso. "Got your stuff. I figured a month was long enough."

Long enough for what, I didn't know.

I nodded, taking it from him. "I've got yours...you can come in for a minute, if you want."

He smiled a little, then nodded. "Sure."

He followed me inside, and I closed the door. This was weird, but somehow not weird at all. He stood awkwardly while I went into my room to get the box full of stupid memories that I didn't even want. For some reason, seeing him again made me not want to punch him. I wanted to forgive him. Seeing him look all depressed made me sad...I want him to be happy. He deserves happiness too. Even if he fucking sucks.

I brought his stuff out to him.

"Thanks," he said, examining it. He laughed as he came across something. "I figured you wouldn't want to keep this."

He picked up a cheap, carnival teddy bear, one I vividly remember him winning on one of our first dates. At the time, I was ecstatic, but at the time, I liked him.

I smiled a little. "It's your prize; you deserve it."

He set it down and continued looking through it. He picked up a familiar navy t-shirt, one with the University of Michigan logo, a college neither of us had any affiliation with. It was his t-shirt, but it was one of my favorites because it was big and soft and made me happy. I can't lie and say that it didn't hurt putting that one in the box.

"My Michigan shirt? You don't want to keep this?" he asked, holding it up.

I shook my head. "It's yours."

He gave me a doubtful look. "You're the only one who ever wore it. You keep it."

I didn't object and caught it when he tossed it over to me. He looked through it for a moment more and we both said nothing.

"Can we talk for a few minutes?" he asked abruptly. "I mean, you don't have to talk, if you don't want. I just...I have some things to get off my chest."

I was reluctant to say yes, but I hesitantly nodded, and we both sat on my couch. There was a lot more distance between us than there ever used to be.

"Gemma," he began. Was he going to apologize? I sorta wanted to hear what he had to say, because I suppose everybody deserves a chance to say what they feel they need to. Even though what he has to say doesn't matter. I already know what he has to say. I've heard it countless times over the past two years.

"I fucked up. I know I did. I don't know what to say, besides I love you. You know my excuses. I've thrown them at you for two years. I should've been with you. I should have been thinking about you," he said. I had sort of gotten over the whole thing, because I forgot, but now it's all flooding in again.