only for you

We Call It A Disaster

You are fidgeting agin with a spoon in your hand giving death stares to him every once in a while, and he pretends to be oblivious..... Talking about all futile stuff like adequacy of salt content in the spaghetti..... Which mind you... Is mouthwatering.... And you are having a great deal of struggle shifting your focus to anger from gluttony..... And if that was not enough he also had your favourite chocolate mousse served on the table... And you were famished.... And dont' clearly remember when was the last time you ate something remotely delicious....
He cooks really well and you had known it since your academy days..... When he secretly brewed soup for you once as you were injured in the drill and shifted to the infirmary where you practically yelled at every single one of your friends who came to convince you to eat.....
Even suriji was scared of your tantrums and he sent lolita mam every time with a the tray of food and medicines.... But you were stubborn enough to threaten that you will starve yourself to death but would not eat any more sick people's food....
That's when he came into picture ..... He and his death stares made you gulp down in fear and you quietly finished the bowl of dalia and milk.... As he ordered you to.... And of course he had not missed the opportunity of scolding you... Telling you that soldiers should be less particular about taste and eat whatever available.... And you retorted back commenting that they should quit acting like humans and get their tongues depapillated as a part of their training and before he could yell back you threw up... Partially on his shoes...
That's it.... That was the death of you... He would probably refuse your mentorship or perhaps even flunk you in his subject.... You thought as you saw him barging out of the infirmary red and blue with anger.....

But to your utter delight... He came after the lights out back to the infirmary.... Bribed the orderly to keep his mouth shut..... And fed you a bowl of hot sweet corn soup..... Threatening you to drink with utmost silence..... And you obliged.... As it tasted like heaven... And you dare not make noise until you finish it off...
He even promised to deliver you free catering service if you stop acting like a stubborn brat and finish your treatment quietly.....
He would watch your glutton self enjoying yourself and would smile coyly...... Assuming you are not watching.....
Maybe that was one of countless reason why you fell for him.... He would be so warm and caring at times.... That you totally forgot how difficult and exhausting your life was.....
At times you even stopped missing naveen when he was around you.... He healed you a great deal...
But then there were times he would be difficult and unreadable.... Mocking you.... Even ignoring you.... As if he didn't notice you passing by... And at times would bluntly remind you that you are just his student and should learn to behave like one ....
He was unreadable..... Exhausting.... And he still is..
But only this time you won't fall for his whims ...... And won't let gluttony take over your anger... He is a certified manipulator... Now you know it..... And the brewing dinner strategy will not work even as you are curious how he got an idea that it was your favourite food.... Even as your mouth and tummy don't rule in the favour of your minds decision.... You won't be that easy this time..... And he better start reciting his prayers......

You stand in the middle and banged the spoon on table..... Just to get his attention as he was busy hogging down..... Perhaps he knows that this is probably his last supper in peace and that's why he is making the best of it..
"will you answer me now at once....."
You glare at him and roar....
"well i thought communicating you a multiple times at the base but i know about your reluctance to address my mails and phone calls.... So i had to figure out a way to talk about what happened..... And this was only way to talk to you... So here we are.... "

You stare at him and his audacity to be so casual in utter disbelief....
"i m sorry... But i don't get it... What is it that you exactly want to talk about..... I am confused..."
You retort Mockingly..... "and just to have a nice cozy chat you made me travel halfway across the country is it?"

"Technically... Yes..".. He gave a long sigh "Look naina... I know our marriage wasn't exactly the kind any one would expect them to be.... But the fact is that we agreed in our full senses to be a part of it..... No matter even if it was to fulfil uncle' last wish....."
And.... You demand him to continue all flustered.....
" and i think we need enough time to consider about it... Before reaching to a point of annulment.... "
Ohkay.... Sounds pretty rational.... But why was this rationality not shown as i desperately wanted to talk to you the other day..... You avoided my question like plague... And it made me wonder perhaps...." you keep quite as you notice him staring at you accusingly.....
" perhaps.. What... This is another big ass favour i did to you.... Is that what you think i've been doing for so long... Is that you think its all about ....."
Haa.. Look now the accused is turning tables on the plaintiff.... And suddenly he is the one to feel sorry for...
" i didn't mean that way.... I just meant that you always make make decisions regarding me not even assuming that its my life.... And you do it as and when you please.... Conveniently according to your schedule.... And what other reason could there be..... For marrying me...."

" seriously naina... Look i know that we have faced rough times while in academy... You were my student.... And you suffered a great deal... Because of circumstances..... But now the situation is different... And all i want to say is perhaps we both need some time to think about a rational way to deal with our marriage..... Instead of pretending it never happened..... "

" yes... Exactly... I suggested you a rational way to deal with it way back in the letter....... And i am curious... As to why you are trying to be all sacrificing..... And wanting to work this through.. ....look sir i have messed a great deal out of your life and mine.... And i no longer wish to force you to bear the burden of me and my responsibility just because you promised my father.... I know you are very particular about the word you give... But for once.... Consider that you need not do it..... "

He was all frustrated as he picked a glass of water..... And dropped it on the floor... And you couldn't help getting flustered....
" you have always lived in your own presumptions cadet singh..... Its been three years i've been trying to communicate with you.... Three long years.... But now i ve lost all my patience....."he wasn't used to you being defiant and argumentative.... And you could tell that your sarcasm was getting hard for him to handle....
Its you who has lost patience seriously... Well have you considered my opinion a single time in your life....even as you openly declared of our marriage publically..... You are confusing and exhausting..... And have you considered that i might not be wanting to spend my entire life being your side kick..... "
At this he lost all his composure..... And you for the first time felt as if you had overstepped..... But words are like bullets.... Can't be taken back....
" sidekick.... Is that what you think i assume you are.... Is that what you think i feel about you.... He clutched your arms tight.... And his voice reflected a lot of pain....
Fine then....you are free to do as you please... But mind you.... I 've been sane and rational while u agreed to your father that i will marry you..... But you are free to do what your heart pleases, to live the way you want...i am nobody to stop you..... If annulment is what makes you happy..... I ll do it.... "

He leaves you and as he is about to leave towards bedroom.... You look at his plate... He hasn't eaten either.... You suddenly feel guilty... But it was a slow build up of a long time.... And perhaps not everything was his fault.... But now you regret hurting him for sure.... But as you call him and he stops midway.... You had a strong urge to apologize... But you end up saying... "i ll make an arrangement for accomodation and leave tomorrow..."
And he stomps away angrier than before..... And you too have a big lump in your throat..... And you sit on the chair and let it out..... Trying hard not to cry loudly..... But your sobs had been audible and he did stop hearing them.... You could sense that......