Natsu and Gray are members of Fairy Tail, one of most notorious thieves' guilds in Magnolia. Natsu has a reputation for being flashy and fearless, but when he crosses a line and gets himself caught by the Watch, how far will Gray and the rest of the guild go to save him?
A/N: This story is an homage to "The Lies of Locke Lamora" by Scott Lynch - if you haven't read it, you should! Some characters might be OOC because of the way they speak, my apologies. Here is the quote that inspired the story:
"I've got kids that enjoy stealing. I've got kids that don't think about stealing one way or the other, and I've got kids that just tolerate stealing because they know they've got nothing else to do. But nobody--and I mean nobody--has ever been hungry for it like this boy. If he had a bloody gash across his throat and a physiker was trying to sew it up, Lamora would steal the needle and thread and die laughing. He...steals too much."
― Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora
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"You," hissed Gray angrily, pressed against the stone wall, "have a problem."
It was nearing midnight and the bridge was mostly silent above them, save for the sound of gulls cawing over any scraps the nobles might have left behind. Underneath the bridge was not nearly as pleasant. The scent of dead seaweed and bloated fish assaulted Gray's nostrils, and he shifted his feet to avoid sinking into the muck.
"Me?" Natsu tried his best to look innocent – difficult with his hood up and a mask covering half his face. Gray knew he was smirking, though. It was the eyebrows.
"Yes, you," he whispered. He peeked up around the edge of the bridge and quickly ducked down, out of sight of the guard patrolling the entrance. He glared at Natsu, gesturing to the breast of the pink-haired man's doublet where several coin purses were stashed. "I can't believe I'm about to say this, but you...you steal too much."
"No such thing," Natsu insisted, reaching into an inner pocket and drawing out a ruby necklace – one of the many treasures he'd amassed over the course of the fancy party they'd bluffed their way into. "They're probably not even looking for us anymore."
"That little cunt-rotting cock-fondler's gotta be around here somewhere!" Gray glared harder and the upper half of Natsu's face looked sheepish.
"Okay, they might still be looking," he conceded, tucking the necklace back into his doublet. "But half the Watch can't find their own arses with both hands and a map. We'll be fine."
Gray sighed, rubbing his face and glancing up at the bridge again. On the north side lay Upper Magnolia, a land of fancy parties and shiny, expensive things. Things that were currently tucked into the various pockets of both their outfits.
"She was one of the peerage," he growled, referring to the Doña from whom Natsu had lifted the necklace. While kissing her. Around the corner from her husband. "You could have stolen from literally anyone at that party except her. Jiemma's going to cut your hands off and shove them down your throat, and I'm not even going to feel sorry for you."
The pact between the thieves' guilds and Jiemma, Capa of the crime syndicate and collector of protection money disguised as taxes, was that the peerage was off limits – the Dons and Doñas and, of course, the Duke and Duchess themselves. Minor lords and ladies were fair game, but Natsu...well, he had gone too far. As usual.
"Jiemma has to catch me first," Natsu grinned. "And you'd miss these hands." He winked and wriggled his fingers in front of him. Gray was glad that Natsu couldn't see the flush that rose to his cheeks – their only illumination being the thin rays of moonlight that passed underneath the bridge. The same bridge that they would have been able to cross safely if Natsu wasn't such a colossal fuckwit.
"It's not Jiemma catching us we have to worry about, it's them." Gray gestured to the bridge where several guards were now gathering, gasping about the injustice of a noblewoman being robbed by a whoreson from the Gallows. "How in the nine hells are we going to get back?"
"We could swim?" Natsu suggested, and Gray blinked, uncertain if he was serious. He could never tell with Natsu – bad ideas sprouted from him like deathbloom from a corpse. The worst part was, the madder the idea, the more likely it was to work out in his favor. Everybody else, however, was bound by the normal rules of Lady Luck. Including Gray.
"You want your cock bit off by a shark?" Gray asked, peering upward again. The bridge spanned a wide river that separated Upper Magnolia from the Gallows – a land of corruption and indecency. It also happened to be where the two of them called home. "I can't believe I let you talk me into this job."
"You love it as much as I do," Natsu insisted, shifting uncomfortably in the muck. Gray shook his head emphatically.
"No, Natsu. Nobody loves stealing things as much as you do." He sighed. "Like I said, you have a problem."
"All right then, oh ye of irascible mood," Nastu muttered, tugging the mask down from his face. The deep scar through his lips made his smile even more crooked than it used to be, and Gray closed his eyes to avoid finding it endearing. They needed to get across the bridge without arousing suspicion that they were the guilty parties the Watch was looking for. "We could do 'drunk and disorderly'?"
"You didn't bring anything for the sick," Gray argued, shaking his head, eyes still closed. "At least I hope you didn't, and if you've been hiding it on you then I'm officially never touching you again." Natsu made an overdramatic noise of protest. "And I doubt you'd be able to spew your fancy dinner on command."
"Point taken." Natsu hummed in contemplation. "Lepers?"
"No."
"Elderly-"
"No."
"Get he-"
"No."
"Well, then you know the only other option."
"Absolutely not." Gray crossed his arms, scowling at Natsu. His hose were beginning to itch where several wallets were tucked inside, and his feet were sweating in his uncomfortable leather dress shoes.
"Do you have any better ideas?" Natsu grinned, already removing the mask from around his neck and undoing his mantle. Gray groaned, bringing his hand to the clasp of his own cloak.
"Fine," he muttered, loosening the laces on the front of his doublet and tugging it off. Natsu took it and the cloak and stashed them beneath a loose brick in the bridge's foundation, then stood and began undoing his own doublet. It was a dark, rich green that brought out the mischievous glint in his eyes, and Gray was sad to see it go. Not that he had only agreed to this job to see Natsu in these clothes, though. Nothing of the sort.
Soon they were both dressed only in their patterned silken hose and plain linen undershirts. They shifted and rearranged their clothing to accommodate their stolen goods, Natsu tucking his take in a tight-fitted undershirt. He pulled his distinctive hair under a gathered hat, then turned to Gray, bowing and holding out his elbow.
Gray rolled his eyes and acquiesced, begrudgingly, letting Natsu lead him carefully out from under the bridge and back onto the streets of Upper Magnolia. The alchemical streetlights were dimmed for the late hour, and the scent of fish and waste was soon replaced by a much fairer smell of the lemon trees that lined the boulevard. Gray wiped the mud from his boots surreptitiously, then slicked a hand through his hair to ensure it matched the style of every other boot-licking highborner.
