* Book two of "I should feel like:" please read the first one before this.
This book focuses on the aftermath of the book being release into the public eye.
More importantly, El's mental health.
Josh trying to save her by the only thing he knows...
El set the journal that she had stolen from the nearest store down. If she was dead what would it matter? Standing up she walked towards the cliff, stopping before reaching the edge.
A million thoughts swirled around in her head.
Would people miss her?
Would they care?
Should she say goodbye?
What would become of Josh?
Is her attempt going to be stopped?
Is there a God?
A heaven?
What would happen after?
But for every thought telling her to stop came three more telling her to end it. To not say goodbye. To just jump; make it stop before she wakes up to one more day of unlocked doors and therapy. That no one would miss her or care. Those thoughts were suffocating her, making it impossible to escape. She wanted to feel nothing and not care about any of this. But here she was, shaking from her shocked nerves. Numb from the cold air and angry at everything. She wanted to blame Josh for making her feel this way. But she felt a silent resolution; which was that in the end it was all her fault. It always was. El was the problem all along. The only thing that was holding her back this time was herself.
Her heart felt as if it were torn in two. To stay or go? Her stomach was twisted and she couldn't help but throw up. The cold wind froze her wet, stinging face. Digging her nails into her arm she knew blood was already dripping onto the grass. In hopes to escape she screamed out as loud as possible. Every emotion she was feeling preset in her cry for help. She screamed again and again, until her voice was raspy. Until she couldn't even speak.
El clawed at her throat as she tried to keep it from closing as it seemed to cut off her oxygen supply. Gasping for air. The only thought that came to her mind in that moment was:
This is what being alone truly feels like.
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