Hafsa opened the gate and in rushed two little girls in black jilbabs. "Mami!"
"Hooriya! Janaan!" Hafsa knelt down to hug her 8 year old nieces.
"Assalamu Alaikum," greeted Hafsa's elder brother Hussein with a big smile, extending his hand towards Saaqib.
"Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatuallahi wa barakatuhu!" Saaqib responded with the same enthusiasm before pulling Hussein in for a brotherly hug.
"Juwairya!" Hafsa leaped to hug her sister-in-law and best friend. She pulled back, eyes glazed over with tears, her mouth agape. "Ya Rabbi! How did you guys-"
"Saaqib was generous to send some money so we could come see you," replied Hussein, placing a hand on Hafsa's head. "Come here."
It had been over five years since Hafsa wedded Saaqib and left home to live with him in his hometown a thousand miles away. Five years since she had seen her father, her mother, her elder brother and sister-in-law, and of course, their twins, except on the few photos sent on Eids.
"Mami! Mami! We brought your favourite sweets!" Hooriya said, jumping to get her only aunt's attention.
"We helped Ammi make them!" Janaan followed.
"Oh, thank you!" Hafsa pressed kisses to both their foreheads, taking the packets from their hands.
"Let's sit inside! We have much to catch up on," Saaqib suggested and led them all inside, sending a smile his wife's way that didn't escape her acknowledgment.
***
After a whole day of chatting and cooking with her sister-in-law and playing with her nieces, Hafsa closed their bedroom door with a happy sigh and wheeled around to face Saaqib with a fantastic beam. "I can't believe we're traveling to meet Ammi and Abbu tomorrow!" She sprinted across the room and collapsed on the cot beside Saaqib. Saaqib put on a lazy smile for her, laying on his back, resting his head over his folded arm. They both stared up at the ceiling while going down the memory lane, the stupid grin on Hafsa's face never leaving.
A breeze came in through the open window and flicked the fire on the candle. Shadows danced across the room.
"Do you remember when you first came up to my father to ask for my hand?"
"How can I not? I said one sentence and he closed the door in my face."
Hafsa giggled. "You knocked, like, five more times."
"Eight. And then he hit me."
Hafsa bit her lip to stop herself from laughing out loud. "With a bathroom brush."
"Hey!"
Hafsah took her time controlling her urge to laugh. Then she continued. "Why did you come back the next day?"
"Why would I give up so easily?"
"Why wouldn't you?"
"I was in love, Hafsa." Saaqib turned his head to face her. The sincerity laced in his voice touched her core. "I was fully, utterly, completely in love with you."
Hafsa gulped, feeling some distant memories making their way back. "You could've easily gotten over me. I was the infamous witch who sacrificed her baby." She could still hear the taunts of the neighbours from when she used to go to college.
"Ssh." Saaqib laid on his side completely and sighed. He decided to ignore the bad memory of the rumour in his in-laws' town which started when 18-year-old Hafsa's son from her first marriage died of an illness and her husband divorced her, his evil mother spreading stories. "Was I ever a person to believe that kind of thing, let alone allow it to affect me? You served me tea once when I went to visit Hussein and swept me off my feet."
Hafsa smiled at the amusing memory. "I remember hearing bhai tease you from the kitchen."
"Sh- You heard him, didn't you? I told him you would."
"And there you were not two days later, asking for me."
"Begging, madam. I had gone crazy. I kept imagining you as my wife and making you laugh and... you know, other stuff." Saaqib cleared his throat and Hafsa glanced at him with a smirk. "I knew it wasn't healthy so I did what I had to do."
"You bugged my dad every day on his way to work."
"I put on a new clean kurta! Every day! I had to butter your mother too with flowers."
"Can't believe Abbu got us married so you would stop your madness."
"He was protecting you from having to face such an evil world again."
Hafsa finally fully looked at the love of her life. "Well, how is it actually having me as your wife, making me laugh every day?"
Saaqib observed her for a few seconds, and then answered, "Overwhelming." He pushed a few strands of hair behind her ear.
Hafsa blushed under his burning gaze. Her eyes followed down his arm in the space between them. The cot they shared wasn't very big, but it would fit a tiny someone.
Hafsa's hand crept up the bedsheet to the middle as if reminiscing the feeling of something that used to be there. "Did you ever... Did you ever feel its presence?"
Saaqib carefully watched her before answering, "Yeah." During Hafsa's pregnancy and even after, Saaqib would stare at the same space, envisioning a little human, a little soul. He was curious as to what Hafsa might have imagined their baby to be like, but he didn't dare initiate a conversation of that sort in order not to push Hafsa back into a dark hole she had had so much trouble climbing out of. But Hafsa spoke about it anyways.
"I used to imagine him right here, laying between us. A little boy. I would try to put him to sleep but he would first pretend and then carry out naughty tricks he learned from you." Saaqib smiled as he listened attentively. "I would scold him and he would complain to you about my harshness. Then you would finally convince him to rest. And then we would all fall asleep peacefully together." Hafsa gazed up to find Saaqib in deep thought.
It had been minutes until he spoke again. He carefully chose his words. "Do you remember how long it took for Hussein and his wife to have a child?"
Hafsa nodded. "All my teenage years were spent consoling bhabi."
"Look how happy they are now. Two healthy, beautiful and smart girls."
Hafsa sucked in a deep breath. "I know."
Saaqib placed his hand over Hafsa's. "Maybe we will have our own too, In Shaa Allah. We will be complete."
"In Shaa Allah."
Saaqib smiled. They stayed silent, enjoying their moment of peace and hope until their eyes gave into drowsiness.
"Saaqib?" Hafsa whispered after some time. Saaqib hummed and opened his eyes to find Hafsa earnestly looking at him. All these years and he still couldn't believe the pretty little thing in his bed.
Hafsa bit her lip, thinking if she should ask, if the question was even important now.
"Why had you strayed?"
Saaqib blinked. The last few years flashed before his eyes. He himself couldn't put a finger on a specific event or a specific day on which he started to practise his religion less. He did remember, though, feeling extremely defeated about three years when his store's profits were plummeting, his duas weren't being answered immediately, his mood was worsening, they weren't having a baby, his hopelessness was growing day by day and Hafsa... Hafsa was still so good. He became frustrated. It was so easy to be impatient, ignorant, selfish, reckless and arrogant. It was so tempting to sin to feel "better". His biggest mistake was not stopping and taking a step back to contemplate his situation, how he was simply transgressing against himself to lead to his own destruction. His evil side might have had urged him to tumble but he could've prevented the desires from conquering him fully. He could've asked for help. He could've just sought comfort from Hafsa, his wife. Instead he took all the anger out on her. But she knew what to do. And she tried her best, far beyond a time she could have given up and left, out of love and devotion. It wasn't her fault that he never accepted her help.
"Saaqib?"
He zoned back in, blinking repeatedly. Hafsa seemed worried and he decided not to talk about something that didn't matter anymore. "It was stupid," he said instead. He wanted her to rest, to be in complete peace.
"I just want to know so, well, it never happens again. To either of us." She raised her brows.
"Don't worry, habibty. I won't allow that to happen," Saaqib assured her with a smile. Hafsa pursed her lips but then returned it. They closed their eyes again, silence engulfing them.
"Saaqib?" Hafsa spoke again, making an amused Saaqib open his eyes to find her propped up on her elbow.
"Just so you know," she said in the sincerest voice, sliding to cover the distance between them, "even if we don't have little Saaqibs and little Hafsas..." Saaqib chuckled. "We will be complete. We are complete." She traced his bottom lip with her thumb as Saaqib stared in awe, then pressed her soft lips against his and lay her head on his bicep, wounding her arm around his back, hugging him like he was really all she ever needed. Saaqib, overwhelmed as always, tightened his hold of her against his chest in an attempt to be even closer to her, his everything.
Hafsa closed her eyes finally for the night and breathed a sigh of relief.
"I love you, Saaqib."
"I love you, my rouh."