Fixing Us

Chapter 25: The Truth Slips

Shaking my head weakly as I wake up Sunday evening, I have no idea if the boys are back yet or not. I've hardly seen Jiminie. Stumbling my way onto my feet, I groggily walk down the hall and downstairs.

Walking into the kitchen, I pull out another bottle of soju. Opening it, I take a few gulps of the alcohol. Running a hand haphazardly through my hair, another decent clump falls out. I just scoff at it, walking over and tossing it in the trash.

I've been drinking ever since I got home Friday. It's already almost a cycle which causing me to chuckle at the thought. It's kind of sad if you think about it. I've already gotten myself into a drinking cycle and they've not even been around enough to know.

Well. That's not entirely true. Yoongi called me out on being drunk Friday night. I shake my head at the memory, making my way back upstairs to take another dosage of the chemo. I've given up on the anti sickness pills. Gave up on those back at the beginning of the week since they weren't doing shit.

Reaching the room and pulling the bottle of chemo pills out, I dump some of them into my hand. I shrug off the fact that there's a little more than the amount I should be taking, tossing them in my mouth and downing them with another couple gulps of soju.

It's probably around a half hour before I'm stumbling off to the bathroom, throwing up a mixture of stomach acid and soju. Muttering a string of swear words under my breath, I shake my head and shove myself back onto my feet.

Wandering my way out of the room and down the hall, I get about halfway down the stairs before the door opens. Getting through two more steps, I stumble and fall the rest of the way down.

"Goddamn it." I mutter, huffing as I push myself to sit up.

"Jing?! Are you okay?!" Jimin shouts before rushing to my side. Though, when he and Yoongi reach me, Yoongi frowns and stands back upright.

"Have you been drinking again?" He scolds with a frown. I just shrug as I laugh at little. It doesn't really fucking matter anymore, does it?

"This is the third day in a row, Saejing! What the hell do you think you're doing, trying to drink yourself into an early grave like this?! Namjoon and Jiminie shout together. I scoff, shoving myself up onto my feet.

"I can drink as much as I fucking want." I slur ever so slightly. Jin frowns at me, shooting me a glare.

"No you can't. You'll ruin yourself if you keep at it." He snaps, his lips trembling as he looks at me. I laugh.

"It's not like the cancer cells in my arm and shoulder can get alcohol poisoning! It's not like it fucking matters!" I shout at them. Everyone falls silent at my outburst.

"You... What?" Jiminie asks softly, the heartbreak in his voice snapping me to the reality of what I've just done. My eyes widen as I look down at him. He's already got tears rolling softly down his face.

"Jing,... No... You can't..." He cries softly as he looks up at me. I sigh, plopping myself down on the bottom step.

"It's okay, Jiminie. They're supposed to amputate on Tuesday. It's supposed to get rid of most if not all of it." I whisper, reaching out to push his hair out of his face. However, he leans back away from me before I can touch him.

"It's not even a guarantee that it gets rid of all of it, Jing! I told you! I told you not to do this! Goddamn it, Jing!" He shouts at me angrily.

"Jimin, it's not like she wanted this." Namjoon tries to reason with the boy softly. Jimin just shakes his head though as tears continue falling.

"I told you, Jing. I told you not to get cancer..." He cries softly, standing and leaning back against the corner of the couch.

Biting my lip hard, I stand up and walk over to him. He immediately wraps his arms around me, pulling me into him as he begins to sob. I can feel my own heart breaking at his pain. Gently, I wrap one arm around to his back and rub light circles into him while the other reaches up to play with his hair softly.