== Raising A Boy == Shinji x Asuka x Kaworu (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

7.5 - Asuka's Fears (Short)

This short clip takes place after Asuka finds Shinji and Kaworu in her room
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"Are you... you know..." she hesitated. "Gay?"

"No!" Shinji blurted.

"Then why are you dressed like that?" Asuka continued, her voice rising slightly. He was wearing a dress that belonged neither to her nor Misato. Had Nagisa given it to him? Or had he borrowed it from Ayanami? The thought made her sick. "Is it because of me?" and then, to save what little dignity she had left, "I mean, I hate your guts, but I didn't exactly want to turn you off women forever or anything." She glanced subtly at him, hoping he wouldn't see through her act.

"It's not like that," he mumbled.

"Then what is it?"

"I don't..."

"Come on, spit it out!"

"It makes me feel pretty, okay?" Shinji shouted.

A ringing silence followed his words. They stared at each other. It was sickening, seeing him dressed like a girl. It wasn't some clumsy amalgamation of Misato's clothes and makeup anymore; the dress he wore fit him perfectly, and there wasn't a smudge of makeup out of place. Had Nagisa done all this?

"So," Asuka said, quietly. "you're gay."

"No," said Shinji. He looked down at the floor, his hands clenched at his side. "It's just... it makes me feel good. Wearing makeup and dresses and stuff." He looked up suddenly. "You know what I'm talking about! You do it all the time at school. You know, that thing you do with your hair."

Asuka narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "What thing I do with my hair?"

"You know, that thing where your flip it over your shoulder because you know a boy's watching. Or when you flap your shirt to make your-"

"I do that because I'm hot, idiot!" she snapped, interrupting him. "It's gotta be, like, a hundred degrees in our classroom these days! I don't do stuff like that to get attention! What are you, stupid?"

"Well, everyone notices you when you do that," Shinji continued. "Even me."

Asuka blushed, taken aback. He really noticed those things?

"It's just that I wish people would look at me that way, too." he said, sadly.

Asuka could hear the blood pounding in her ears, but it was from a different kind of panic now. "You and Nagisa weren't doing anything weird in my room, then?" she asked, tentatively.

"No. He was just helping me with the makeup."

Asuka felt her heart plummet. Nagisa was in on it after all. That's why he told her to stay away from Shinji.

"You won't tell Misato, will you?" Shinji added, watching her fearfully.

Asuka shrugged. She put her hands on her hips and looked away disinterestedly. "Maybe."

"I'm really sorry I went in your room," Shinji continued, miserably. "I won't do it again, I promise."

"You're sure you're not gay or anything?" Asuka prompted. She had to know the truth. If he was gay, then that was it. The end. He would never want to hold her, or care for her, or any of that. Her heart pounded against her ribs. She never remembered feeling fear quite like this before. "Because you have to tell me right now if you are."