My Life

Day 24 (22/08/18)

Upon request I am going to start updating this daily again which I stopped doing and I don't know why. This does mean some days are going to be a lot shorter than some other days.

So confession time... well there's a lot I think I need to say on here. A lot you guys don't know, a lot that like only two people actually know. So the first thing to say is about Emma. See what I'm pretty sure I haven't told anyone this but honestly I wanted to be with her for quite a while when I was still with Amy. I know this is bad and I really shouldn't be saying this becuase it was something that isn't good. I mean from the first time I met Emma after we were talking again I realised that I wanted to be more then her friend. Bad yes I know but I can't help it, I mean I loved Amy don't get me wrong but at the same time I was falling for Emma.

The other thing that I am confessing on this is the fact I have been questioning my sexuality for 2 months now. I know that it isn't bad but at the same time it's I don't know it confuses me a lot and it has fucked with my head a bit on top of everything else going on.

I'm only going to talk about yesterday becuase I don't really feel like writing some long arse shit like I did last time. So yesterday went of with a confusing start, I was downstairs making some toast and Sara came up to me with her phone. Emma's ex (which I will finally give a name, let's call him Tyler) had sent her Sara a message saying Emma was saying that she was still in love with him and the only reason she got with me was to get over him. I knew that it wasn't true I knew in an instant that it wasn't true but the issue was it still played on my mind but I didn't want to say anything.

I went and met Emma later on and she could tell something was bothering me so I told her and things kind of got really awkward between us. I mean I knew it wasn't true but I don't know if she was going to believe that. For a while it was just silence and then things sorted themself out and everything seemed all good. It was honestly just a really good day and I don't know why I enjoyed it so much.

But then I got home and after a couple of hours I became a complete and total mess. I mean I was laid in my bed having a river of emotions running over me. I was laid there crying to myself when I decided that I would talk to Laura about it because I needed help but I didn't want to worry Emma... and because it was partially about Emma. You see I had suddenly just thought that I was going to lose her and there was nothing I could do about it and fuck did it scare me. Laura was a huge help though but it didn't help that becuase my head was fucked I started talking to Onan about the issue with me questioning my sexuality. I mean it wasn't that bad and she was kind of a huge help. In the end I managed to calm down a bit.

So that brings us to today, I have only been awake for just over an hour but already I have kind of lost myself in thought. My head is still fucked and I still can't think straight which isn't the best. I am here crying but I don't know why. I mean one good thing has happened so far today... I was sent the best picture I have ever seen by Emma's dad...

Anyway I will update this later depending on how I feel.