Noah helped me into the passenger seat of his Jeep.
"We're gonna be late for your appointment if we don't step on it." he announced.
I cracked a smile.
"You sound like a dad Noah." I shook my head thinking to myself how ironic that statement was, since I never really had a dad.
He smirked at me.
"Make fun of me if you want, you cant blame a guy for being punctual."
I threw my head back with laughter.
Finally we arrived at the facility in downtown San Francisco, I almost fell asleep. Traffic was rough.
My mother was busy at work and considering this was only my second appointment, I was dreading it.
The first session I had with Zayn didn't go too well at all, by the end of it I was a mess of tears.
Although I had Noah with me, and he always seemed to be my steady rock, I needed my mother just every once in a while. She was a silent comfort that couldn't be compared to anything else. I wished she could be here with me, right at that moment.
She was the first person I saw when I woke up in the hospital. I still held the memory of her blue eyes, cloudy and strained, her had firmly grasping mine.
"My poor baby." Her voice broke as she cried out.
I just knew she hadn't left my side for a moment, and I never wanted her to.
You never can really guess what its like to have life altering accident. I sure couldn't, I had never felt pain, I had never felt loneliness or despair quite like I had when I discovered what had happened to my legs.
I laughed at this belief that human's are so superior, invincible. We act like gods on this planet manipulating this and that. We created the car because we didn't want to walk anymore, a plane so we could soar like the birds. But our bodies are so fragile and our brains can only do so much to protect us from the trauma. I had little recollection of the accident. I just remember bits and blurbs of terror then I'm opening my eyes in one of those bleak hospital rooms.
White walls, white sheets, and the most melancholy art hanging on the walls. Water color paintings that were so vague you couldn't make out what the meaning behind the painting even was. I scoffed at our need to find meaning, its so pointless to wonder what its all about, life. When it can be destroyed so quickly.
"Krissy. Hey, Krissy." Noah interrupted my train of thought.
"You ok?" he chuckled lightly. He reached over from the waiting room chair and grabbed my hand. His finger slid over my skin lightly.
"Yea! I was just drifting off into space. I never got that saying, you know? 'Drifting of into space' like our mind is comparable to the vastness and emptiness of space. Space is nothing but empty. Think about it, you can never just think of nothing. There is always something going on in your head." I mused.
Noah looked at me like I was an alien form of life, or like I was one of those great philosophers like Aristotle.
"Noah!"
"Sorry, sorry, I'm just in awe. You're amazing you know that right. So smart."
I shook my head and grinned.
"Noah ur so dramatic." I nudged him in the shoulder.
"Ow! Come on, Krissy be nice." He winced, clutching his arm dramatically.
"God don't be such a baby! That didn't even hurt ! Sorry."
He laughed and shook his head throwing his arm around my shoulder.
I rested hy head on his shoulder gingerly and tried to soak up his warmth.
Noah never seemed to understand me, maybe I was too complex. As long as I've know him its been like this, and I still cared for him so much.
"Kristen, the doctor is ready to see you." A nurse with thick curly hair called out.
I smiled at her as I began to wheel myself toward the door.
"Do you want me to come with you Krissy?" Noah asked, stopping me.
I shook my head and flashed him a smile.
"Dont wait up."
He only grinned as I continued wheeling myself into the the hall.
"You're a strong girl aren't you. You're only 19 and this going through this tragedy." The nurse shook her head as she led me down the hall.
Here we go again, people are always assuming they know what its like to be in my shoes. Labeling it a tragedy like one of those Shakespearian plays.
I knew she only meant well though so I smiled and thanked her.
"I admire your strength, it's people like you that inspire. And you're so beautiful too. I'm Carey by the way. If I can do anything to make you feel more comfortable just let me know. And also you don't have to say a thing about Dr. Yevanke's bad breath, don't we all know!"
I burst out laughing at that.
"Or the fact that he has yesterday's lunch stuck in his teeth."
We both giggled together as we approached his room.
"Dont worry this should be a quick check up and then you're off to therapy. Who's your therapist by the way?" She asked as she opened the door for me.
"Zayn Malik, I think his name is."
Her eyes widened a bit, then a smirk played across her face.
"Oh, you've got him."
My eyes lit up.
"What's so special about him?" I questioned.
"Miss honey, have you seen his eyes? He is the cutest guy in this whole facility I swear! And he's slept with half the nurses on this floor. I guess it's his accent or something about the way he stares into your soul. You're telling me you haven't noticed?" Carey buzzed.
I couldn't help but feel heat rise to my cheeks.
"Oh so you've noticed." She grinned
It wasn't hard to notice those eyes of his, but I didn't really think of it like that because of how hard our first session was. He said he has this perfect recovery rate, he was slightly demanding with his regimen. I saw him as this serious yet calming guy. Maybe it was his eyes that brought that duality.
Now that I thought about it, he did have these eyes that were so mysterious and endearing. When I looked up into his eyes, even with my fear and anxiety bubbling up inside of me, somehow it subsided. With just a look into those eyes.
It makes sense that he's the slut of the hospital. He must think he's such hot stuff and theres nothing worse than arrogance.
Maybe I shouldn't have been making all these preconceived notions about him based off the gossip of one person, but he if he sleep with every girl around he must have a chip on his shoulder. Like most men.
"I mean he has these honey brown eyes, with bits of hazel mixed in there Carey."
She laughed this full hearty laugh. This was so amazing to her.
"How cute, you've even memorized the specks of colors in his eyes. Don't worry though sweetie if you cant get past those eyes, I hear he's hard to read, just like a closed book. But let me help you get up on the table before Mr Stank-Breath walks in here." She spoke almost dismissing the whole conversation of Zayn altogether.
Grimacing uncomfortably as she hoisted me up and onto the table, I grit my teeth.
"Sorry baby."
I knew she meant it.
She smoothed the hairs that had fallen out of place on my head.
"You've got all this beautiful dark hair, so thick. Ok well, I hope I'll see you later, the doctor should be in shortly."
And I was alone again.
My mind was still focused on my physician's interesting history about the other nurses. I was wondering if he had sex with Carey.
She was a stunning woman, and sweet for sure. So straightforward and confident, I respected that about her.
Then my mind began to drift onto Max.
The only boyfriend I ever had. Senior year of high school, Max, the captain of the football team asked me to go to prom. Of course I was beyond ecstatic and so flattered and shocked. He had picked me! If only I could go back in time and warn my former self to not be so naive.
I didn't think I was beautiful, no one really ever does in high school. He would tell me how amazingly intelligent I was. He told me I opened his eyes to so much he never imagined. Max would say I was the prettiest girl he'd ever laid eyes on.
And when I gave myself to him, our relationship began to unravel.
I wasn't the same treasure he marveled at. It was almost like he could toss me aside, and he did. So swiftly. It happened before I could even realize.
He was cheating on me with Lana Shultz.
I cried and cried into Cas's arms. Noah punched him in the jaw.
And thus, my fairy tail ended with an uppercut.
"Hello Kristen! Its nice to see you on this fine afternoon." Doctor Yevanke bursted into the room, his voice booming.
This time he had a piece of what could have been chicken breast stuck between his teeth.
