𝕤𝕒𝕟 𝕗𝕣𝕒𝕟𝕔𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕠 • 𝕝.𝕙

one

A few days had passed since the incident with Oliver. The incident... That hadn't been that incidental, might I add. Both of this was our fault. But it was hard to not want to be close to a person you'd been with for years... No matter how toxic and fucked up they were. You still cared for them, and that was a fact. I was only human, and decided that I should forgive myself, the only condition being that it wouldn't happen again.

I stepped out of the back door of my house, pulling a cigarette out of the pack.

It was a warm summer evening in California. The sun was beginning to set and the heat of the day didn't feel as intense any more. I walked down the few steps that led to the garden area that I shared with my three neighbours. There were trees all around, sheltering us from the sun that was known to be particularly heavy at this time of the year. I walked a few steps, and took a seat on the little garden bench, breathing out the white smoke.

I was living in the suburbs of San Francisco, and so far, I'd liked it. I wasn't a California native... I'd grown up in a small town in Missouri, and had chosen to make the big move after I'd finished college. I had gotten a job at a publishing house three years ago, had moved to this sweet two-bedrooms house, and that same winter, met Oliver, who back then I thought was the love of my life. I didn't know how wrong I was then, but then again, you're never quite able to tell how things are going to end up, are you? You're always blindly optimistic at the beginning of a new relationship, especially when it's your first real one.

"Hey, angel," a familiar voice made me snap out of my daydream.

"Hey, Lisa," I replied, not moving from my spot, as my neighbour and friend made her way to the bench. She had a lit-up cigarette in her hand, too. "Just pondering about life."

"That's what smoke breaks are for," she nodded, before taking a drag.

"Yeah."

"How are things? We need to organise dinner soon. We haven't been keeping up with each other's life. That's real bad," she smiled.

"Things are how they have always been," I answered. "There's Oliver drama left and right. I'm sick of his shit."

"Lex," she shook her head. "You're not going to like what I'm about to say, but I'll say it anyway. I know it's his fault for coming back all the time, but you know it's also your fault for letting him in, right?"

"Yeah."

"Right," she looked up at the trees. Her brown hair moved slightly when the wind started blowing, and she ran a hand through it. "It's fine. You're fine. Everything is always fine. It sucks when relationships end, but even you said that it was for the best."

"It was," I agreed, ashing my cigarette. "It's hard to know what attitude is best to face the situation. I'm not sure I even love him anymore. That's why I broke up. I will never be able to love him again. Everything is different now, you know?"

"People change a hell of a lot in three years, Lex," she nodded. "Especially people in their twenties. You're twenty-five, now. You are not the same person you were at twenty-two. And neither is Oliver. Only difference is, you got better, and he got worse."

"Yeah," I replied. "It's just weird being by myself after all this time."

"It's okay," she gave me a sympathetic smile. "I'm here. Approximately twelve seconds away from you. If you need anything, you know where to find me, okay?"

"Thank you," I said.

Lisa stood up, throwing her cigarette butt in the nearby bushes. "Right, I gotta get back in. I'm not supposed to be smoking anymore. If Ethan asks, you didn't see anything."

"Your secret's safe with me," I assured. "See you around. Let's do that dinner soon."

"I promise," Lisa said, before getting back into her house.

I sat there for a minute, before standing back up, and getting back inside, too. I shut the door behind me, and looked at my phone. No missed calls, no signs from Oliver had been given so far. It made me feel relived- but I also had that weird feeling in my stomach that he would be showing himself soon enough. I didn't want him to. I wanted to be by myself. To not have any man in my life to disturb my peaceful routine. God, this sounded heavenly.

I turned the TV on, and was finally able to relax for a second. I was pleased I'd have gotten to chat with Lisa for even a minute. She was one of my best friends, and I was oh so blessed to have her in my life, especially right now.

We had met when I had just moved over here from college in St Louis. From day one, she had been my favourite neighbour (nothing wrong with the other two, they just hid like bats in their caves and barely ever spoke to us). Her and her husband had welcomed me with open arms into their home, into their life, and most importantly, into their hearts. I had been introduced to their friendship group, and had somehow made my way into the cool kids crowd... And when I say kids, I meant, kids who were still ten years older than me. But they were still pretty awesome.

But evidently, there were some parts of life that had separated the crazy crowd that we all once were, years ago. People grew older and got married and got children and moved to quiet small towns, away from crazy big cities. And I understood. Hell, I couldn't count how many times I had dreamed of eloping with Oliver, back when I was crazy about him and believing he could be all I needed. Thinking back, I was really quite happy that we had never decided to drop everything and get married on a tiny island, far away from everyone. There was no way this would have ended well for any of us.

I chuckled when imagining me and Oliver actually getting married. Impossible. Especially not on a beach, he hated sand. God knew why he had decided to move to California with me.

I could feel myself dozing off to sleep, despite it being still light outside. Something had came over me, and I pulled the blanket over me, not bothering to get into bed. The sound of the TV was getting quiet, and quieter, and for the first time in a few days, my brain was not totally stained by thoughts of unhappiness, and my ex-boyfriend. 

I wanted things to look up so badly. I knew they would.

 I was hoping they would.