May 12, 1813
I haven't seen much of Dominik these past few days. I'm not too sure how I feel about that though.
A small part of me is relieved since that means that the whole consumption threats he made to me a while back seem to be dying down. But most of me is worried for him since, on the rare occasion when he attends dinner, he appears awfully distant and preoccupied.
I have been trying to take my mind off of thinking to much about him by hanging out with Vera and Polly. Polly's been staying here on holiday since her husband is oversees in America doing "business" for the king.
I don't even want to know what that is. I've been rethinking everything I know since I found out my country is run by demons.
Supposedly all the duchesses, dukes, counts, countesses, and everyone else of power are either demons or vampires.
I have a gnawing feeling that Nik isn't too fond of the demon king since he literally told me he hated demons and even his expression hardens as he speaks of them. I can imagine why. They took his mortal life away and the human lives of his family.
I'm happy as a human; I don't envy them one bit. I want to die, well not right now but you know what I mean. The idea of growing old and finally ending my pitiful life, yay!
If only I was handed a better life then maybe I wouldn't feel so cold and indifferent.
"Hey...hey...Eva!" Polly shook me by my shoulders. We are currently having tea, well I'm having tea and they're sipping blood. Ew.
I'm kind of ignoring their entire conversation but it's not my fault I have to analyze my life at least once every day.
"Yeah, sorry." I muttered bringing the teacup to my lips.
"Ok, we get it you found the love of your life in my brother and can't stop thinking about him. But at least make an effort to listen to us." Vera rolls her eyes but still wears a perfect replica of her brother's grin.
"Aww I remember when Sebastian told me he loved me. Has he confessed?" Polly chimes in.
I nearly spat my tea out laughing at their stupidities.
"Confessed?! I don't even interest him...he doesn't even like to look at me." I spat while lazily tracing my fingertip along the rim of my teacup.
"Oh I very much like looking at you." A warm breath fans my ear. I subconsciously flinch at the deep melodic voice which earns a chuckle from him.
"Nik." I state coolly, whipping my head around and leaving an inch of space between his face and mine.
"In fact, I love looking at you almost as much as you love looking at me." My jaw dropping at his arrogant remark.
I quickly close it and roughly flick him in the forehead. "Sorry, just wanted to see if there was something inside your skull. Turns out it's empty, you should get that checked out...among other things." I said looking down passed his waist and suppressing a giggle.
I stood up turning back to the girls and giving each of them a wave. "Excuse me, I think it's about time for my afternoon nap."
"But you never n-" Vera began smirking but was elbowed in the side by Polly who gave me a knowing smile and a thumbs up.
What the hell was she thinking. I was trying to get away from Nik, that's all. I turn on my heels avoiding his burning gaze.
I could feel the anger radiating off of him, I give myself a mental pat on the back.
I have my hand on the doorknob to close our bedroom door when a blur slips through. It shuts with a thud as Nik puts both of his hands on the door.
"What was it that you said back there?" He says putting his forehead on mine and pushing his front onto me so that I could feel all of him.
I gulp because he clearly doesn't need to get anything checked out. His whole body was perfect and he knows it.
My breath is becoming ragged because of his intense stare. His icy eyes are boring into me, seeing through all of me like I'm an open book.
I want nothing more than to paint his eyes and every other part of his godlike figure. I would use the lightest and darkest shades of blue to add the depth that only I can see in his ever changing irises.
I can already feel the brush in my hand as I paint sharp strokes to define his jawline.
I would blend his smooth skin and paint his hair as though they were silky yet curly like a ribbon tied to the most gorgeous present.
His lips, too luscious and alluring, would be painted the perfect tone creating a shadow for his defined chin.
Staring at his lips I forget how to stand as my knees buckle. He watches me slide down with my back against the door till I'm sitting on the cold floor with my knees to my chest. Hey, he just let me fall!
He bends down scooping me up in his strong arms and I punch his chest trying to force him to let me go as he places me onto the bed.
The grey silk comforter wraps me in warmth as I enjoy the feel of it for a quick second. Then, I attempt to sit up realizing that Nik is looming over me like I'm his afternoon meal.
Suddenly, he pounces on me putting himself in the exact position he was the day he tickled me, my body between his legs as his hands caged me in on either side.
May 2, 1813
"Pl-Please...STOP!" and he did but the burn from his trail of kisses on me made me yearn for his touch once again.
He chuckles standing and offering his hand to help me up. Which I, of course, decline. I push myself up and off of the bed, all while glaring at him.
He grabs my wrist and pulls me into him burying his face in my neck. "I can't control myself anymore. You're my mate, let me take you."
"No." I barely manage to breathe out.
"Yes." He says kissing my neck and moving up my jaw, then cheeks, slowly getting closer to my lips.
"No." I moan against his soft lips as they lightly cover mine.
He pulls away angrily. "If your my mate, aren't I yours? Is it because you're human? No! I mean, I know you can feel it too!" Nik sounds so frustrated but I'm not ready, no matter what I feel.
"I'm sorry." I squeak running out the door.
May 12, 1813 (present day)
I remember apologizing to him, not being ready. And honestly I still wasn't. We haven't made any progress...he's still hiding from me.
"Let me see you, I don't care about the consequences." I stare up at him and place my hand on his cheek. Not entirely sure where I was going with this.
"What do you mean?" He grunted, sitting and pulling me up with him. I crawl back to the center of the bed and tap on the space in front of me signaling for him to come closer.
He does so and I put my hand in his intertwining our fingers to feel his touch, which is warm yet still colder than mine.
"Sparks..." I murmur loud enough for him to hear. "Do you feel them to?"
"Yes." He replies looking into my eyes trying to read me. But I don't even know what I'm doing.
I place his other hand on my chest and then put mine on his strong one, where our hearts are supposed to be. I can feel my heart beating against his hand at an irregularly fast pace but his chest is still. Not a single heartbeat, a deafening silence.
"How can this be?" I stopped to redirect my gaze from his chest to his beautiful eyes. "How can two entirely different creatures be mates? One who is lifeless and one who can feel every single thing like a jab to the heart? You don't even have one to pierce."
He appears taken aback and hurt by my words but quickly covers it up with a look of annoyance and anger. He removes his hand from my chest and grips the silk comforters tightly. Our eyes never once leaving each other's.
"Please? I have to ask...I know we are mates. I have felt a lonely pain just not being able to talk to you these past ten days and when we touch it's like a thousand flames of lust are ignited within me."
"I know but I can't tell you, not yet. On your eighteenth birthday, June 3...that's when everything will make sense. But you need to trust me and let me protect you. Or else, well, why don't we not think of the consequences."
"I said I don't care Nik! What's wrong with me! Why do I have to be burdened with loving a monster, what makes me so different?!" I gasp at what I just said and quickly cover my mouth.
The look of sadness is evident on his face. A pang of hurt envelopes me as he doesn't even attempt to hide it as he breaks eye contact with me. He pulls his hand out of mine and my fingers twitch yearning for what I've just lost.
I close my eyes as tears threaten to fall. I could suddenly feel everything he's kept bottled up for so long. Like instead of lacing my way into his heart, I tore it wide open. For he did have a heart no matter how silent it was.
"I understand." He says, his voice cracking at the end.
"No, I don't mean it. I promise!" I holler, desperately trying to pull together the seams of his emotions. But it was too late, with a gust of wind he vanished.
Why Evangeline? Why couldn't you just wait until he was ready to tell you?! He has been waiting for you since the day he turned into a vampire and was promised a mate...he's been waiting for you to give yourself to him since he laid eyes on you.
But you couldn't wait a mere month to find out why we are fated to love each other. Love? I shouldn't be allowed that privilege, I don't even fit in society. I can't share something like love.
But still, I can't deny the feelings that coincide within the depths of my beating heart.
