Behind A Smile ✔

2

Consciousness flickered back, a slow tide pushing against the darkness. She was still lying where she had passed out. Wincing, Zynah pushed herself upright, her whole body aching. As she began to maneuver to their room—their room? Why was she even sharing a room with the monster? Why couldn't she muster the courage to escape from the house and his life for good? A butter laugh escaped her lips. The answer was simple — she had nowhere else to go. As cruel as he was to her, he was the only person who considered her family in the whole world. She had no one else to run to for help.

With a shaky hand, Zynah grasped the doorknob and twisted it as gently as she could, revealing her supposed husband in bed. The brightness of his phone screen shone on his face. He didn't look up from his phone, oblivious of her return. She heaved a small sigh of relief for it was exactly what she wanted and needed— invisibility. This way, she wouldn't have to deal with his condescension, even if it would be for just the night.

Zynah snatched a pillow from the bed and settled on the cold floor, by the foot of the bed. The thought of sharing a bed with him after his cruelty towards her made her stomach churn with disgust. He wasn't fit to be called a man anymore. Let alone a husband. He had lost all rights.

"What do you think you're doing?" Just as soon as her head hit the pillow, he questioned; his voice laced with the usual anger.

She rolled her eyes at the insensitive question. Why couldn't he just keep pretending she was nonexistent? She wanted to ignore him and at the same time, wanted to talk back at him, yell at him — anything to provoke or dishearten him. She wanted to insult him and tell him off, but she restrained herself from giving in to her inner mind. "Preparing to sleep." She replied, curtly and shut her eyes tight against the tears that threatened to spill. She didn't want to have a conversation with him so she left no room.

"And why are you there? Get on the bed!" He commanded in his authoritative voice.

Again, Zynah wanted to yell at him and ask him who the hell he was to think he could command her. Her husband? He had lost all rights to call her his wife! Deep within her soul, they no longer shared a relationship. He wasn't her spouse anymore. They were simply strangers living under the same roof. "I'm okay right where I am." She mumbled, her voice flat and devoid of emotion.

"Fine. Suit yourself," he shrugged and went back to operating his cellphone in a split second.

Zynah felt a tear threatening to fall from her eye and quickly fought it away. Why couldn't it just stay in its place! Why was it so keen in falling and breaking her apart? Why? — She refused to be a pawn to her own emotions. She shut her eyes again and waited anxiously for sleep to overshadow her, but due to the heaviness of her heart, it wasn't forthcoming. Mixed emotions were choked up in there — terrible things she didn't want to even remember, let alone voice out to someone else.

FLASHBACK BEGINS

"Mum please, don't let dad do this to me, for Allah's sake. I love him mom! I love him so much," Zynah cried. "-please don't take my love away from me!"

Her mother looked at her with pity. She knew just how much Zynah loved this man, but there was absolutely nothing she could do to change her husband's mind. He was a man with strong authority. He was feared by everyone around him, including his children. "There's nothing I can do, Zynah, your father's mind is already made up and you know how it is when he makes a decision; he never goes back on his words."

"That's not true, mum! You're his wife. There must be a way. Please help me, I simply can't live without him," Zynah continued to beg, her cheeks stained with hot tears. She couldn't imagine a life without the love of her life. She would die without him!

"I'm sorry, Zynah, just do as your father wants," her mother tried to make her succumb to her father's will for she knew it'd be useless going against him.

"No! I won't give him up," She yelled and stormed away.

On getting to her room in which she shared with her two sisters, she plopped into bed aggressively and started sobbing. She had tried all she could to convince her dad to allow her marry the man of her choice, but he just wasn't complying. Didn't he want her to be happy? Didn't he want the daughter he claimed to love so much to be with the man she truly loved?! She continued to sob for some minutes, until her elder sister, Rashida came barging into the room.

"And what is this rubbish behavior you're exhibiting? Huh? Aren't you ashamed of yourself? Crying like a baby at this age! You're so unbelievable!" Rashida hissed.

"I...I..." Zynah tried to talk, but kept choking on the words.

"You... You... What? I'm so disappointed in you and I'm sure everyone else is. You, that everyone speaks so good about... Especially dad," she muttered the last two words underneath her breath. Whilst as a kid, she had always been envious of the love their dad showered on Zynah and it still hadn't changed until now.

Without a doubt, she knew she was his favorite child. He never hesitated in discriminating between them. He loved her more because she was more beautiful, brighter in school and the wisest of the three — these had been Rashida's belief ever since she was a kid. It made her hold a hidden grudge against her sister.

Zynah got up from the bed and rushed to her sister, capturing her hands in hers. "Please, Ya Rashida, talk to dad, I'm sure he will listen to you."

Antagonistically, she shrugged her hands off. "I. Am. Not. Talking. To. Him. About. Anything. Whatsoever. Why don't you talk to him instead? He always listens to you, doesn't he?" She derided.

Zynah couldn't bear the mockery anymore. She broke down in tears.

"Such a drama queen," Rashida hissed and left the room, banging the door on her way out.

"Subhan'Allah! Ya Zynah!" Ramlah rushed into the room to her aid. She helped her up the bed and engulfed her in her embrace. "- it's alright, Ya Zynah. In sha Allah, dad is going to accept him. Please stop crying. It hurts me to see you like this. Please stop." She hushed.

"Dad doesn't want me to be happy... He... He—" she was cut off by a hiccup.

Ramlah quickly poured her a glass of water from the jug nearby and handed it to her. "That isn't true, sis. You and I both know how much dad loves us. He only wants the best for us. He loves you."

Zynah shook her head in disagreement. "Then why doesn't he want to see me happy? Why doesn't he want me to be with the person I love?"

"Because he feels he isn't good enough for you. You know his family history is—"

"I. Don't. Care!" Zynah enunciated. "He is a good man — I know this in my heart."

"I believe so too. Don't worry, sooner or later, we will be able to convince him," Ramlah assured, rubbing her back, soothingly. She found a handkerchief lying on the floor and picked it up. She used it in wiping Zynah's forehead and face as she was sweating profusely.

"Thank yo—" before she could complete her sentence, a ructions could be heard going on downstairs.

Ramlah took a peep through the widow and in a hurry, rushed back to her sister with widened eyes. "He's here!"

"What?" Zynah asked, perplexed. "-Bilal is here?"

FLASHBACK ENDS

Zynah jerked up, sweating profusely. The sweat slicked her skin, and a throbbing ache radiated from her forehead. she wondered why she was suddenly having flashbacks of the past. Pushing the though aside, she stumbled on her feet, the floor cold against her bare feet as thirst propelled her towards the kitchen.

Before stepping out of the room, her gaze darted to her husband, Bilal, who was sleeping peacefully. She shook her head in disbelief. Here he lay, the architect of her nightmares, as serene as a child.

Immediately she walked out of the room, his eyes snapped open.

Bilal, was his name.