The Club

PART TWO - DYING - CHAPTER 13

The fog is thick and dense all around me. Every time I try to breathe, a little more oxygen is snatched away from me. I've been wandering for who knows how many hours. I don't even know where I'm at or how I got here. An alarm sounds in the distance and I jump at the sudden break in the otherwise noiseless room. Building? With fog this thick I would have to be outside. My heart rate picks up and steadily attempts to beat out of my chest.

I take a hesitant step forward trying to wave away all of the fog with my hands in front of me. It separates briefly but the thickness forces it back together. With another swipe of my hand, I notice a light in the distance and force myself to move that way. The smoke makes it impossible to see where I'm going, but I continue in the same direction in hopes that I'm getting closer to what I hope wasn't a mirage. My bare feet slosh through puddles on the asphalt and the heat in the air becomes stifling. My thin white night gown is saturated in mud making my journey harder with every step I take.

"I'm glad you came to me, Erika." I pause as an ominous voice surrounds me. The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and my stomach sours. I need to make it to the light. I don't know how I know but if I make it to the light, I'll be okay. I take a step and pause listening for any sound around me. I continue this pattern until I'm almost to the door.

I step one more time and heavy breathing on my neck turns my blood to icicles. I'm frozen in place and he whispers in my ear, "You're making it so easy for me, Erika." He runs his finger along the bottom of my neck and a shiver runs up my spine. "You need to put up more of a fight. I like the challenge."

I want to run, scream, or kill him but I'm frozen to my spot. I'm losing my connection to my body and it seems to deepen every time anything comes out of his mouth. "Goodbye, Erika." And he pushes me back, forcing the paralysis to disappear and I scream out in pain from the connection of his hand to my chest.

With a scream I wake up to the darkness of my bedroom. I'm drenched in sweat and the chill in the air from my air conditioner makes my entire body shiver in spasms. I pull my blanket up to my neck and huddle underneath attempting to bring some heat back into my body. The alarm clock on my nightstand is mocking me with the early five a.m. wake-up call. I won't be able to go back to sleep now but my body is screaming for that extra hour of sleep I'm missing out on. With a relented sigh, I slip out of my bed onto the cool wooden floors and sprint across the room to my bathroom.

The hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention and I whip myself around to study my bedroom. That dream is screwing with me and I know there isn't anyone else in my apartment. I'm all alone. With the amount I pay in to my HOA fees, security is like a maximum security prison. Nobody who shouldn't be here is getting past the guys down in the lobby. Not to mention you need a key for the elevator to even work.

Fully satisfied that I am still alone in my apartment, I turn back toward the bathroom and immediately crank up the heat on my bathroom floors. Nothing worse than stepping out of a hot shower to an icy cold tile floor. All of the hairs on my body are still standing at attention but I ignore them as I turn the shower all the way to the hottest setting and quickly strip out of my small tank and underwear. I jump into the already steaming water and sigh at the sudden heat to my body.

"I will be coming for you, Erika, whether you put up a fight or not. I will have you."

I jump as the same creepy voice from my dream fills the room. Too scared to open the door, I peek through the glass but I'm met with nothing. I'm still all alone in here. I shake the fog from my head and continue with my shower and grab my bottle of shampoo.

"Keep ignoring me but we both know it's inevitable."

I force my eyes shut and refuse to open them. I can feel his presence in the bathroom with me. Even if I can't see him, that doesn't mean he isn't here. I feel along the shower wall until I run my fingers along the metal basket that holds all of my sponges and loofahs. I grab the pumice stone and cry out in pain as I rub it all over my body. I let the hot water and stone rough away all of my skin until my body is on fire from the rawness. Maybe, just maybe if I continue scrubbing away at myself I will be in so much pain that I won't be able to feel his presence in here anymore.

I drop the stone to the floor with a clatter and collapse down on the shower floor alongside it. The buzzing in my ear has dissipated and I slowly open my eyes. I'm met with an empty bathroom like I knew I would but I also no longer sense his presence. I finally allow myself to let it all go and I release a feral cry before the sobs wrack my body. I don't know where my tears start and the water ends. It all flows into one puddle slowly washing itself down the drain.

After my birthday disaster in Malta, I hauled ass back here and I've been hiding out ever since. I was originally supposed to be going on tour in a few months, but I made up an excuse and had my manager get me out of it. I'm not in the right frame of mind to think about my music right now. And if there's one thing I don't want to do it's put on a bad show. With the way things are going I know the fans are better off receiving a refund. I never pay attention to the media but knowing my manager and wanting to keep my "image" he most likely claimed I'm going to an extended spa retreat for exhaustion.

Which is probably what I should be doing, but instead, here I am having nightmares and panic attacks in my suddenly monstrous apartment. And to think that I thought it was too small when I was originally shopping around for a place. I guess that's another way life is bringing me down to reality. I got so wrapped up and lost in a world that doesn't even belong to me. I didn't know the truth before but I always thought something was off. It was a little too perfect that I made that wish and the next morning I'm suddenly a YouTube sensation. Shit like that doesn't really happen overnight.

Even the "Internet celebs" that have gotten famous from the video site had to build up a fan base over time. You don't go from zero to a million in one second flat. It just doesn't work that way. Of course I refused to actually let myself think it was anything short of a miracle. How naïve I was.

When I can no longer release any tears, I continue laying for a moment longer before getting up and finishing my shower. I rinse out the conditioner that was still soaking in my hair and quickly wash my face. I wrap my big fluffy robe around my body and venture back out into my apartment. It's eerily quiet being in this place all my myself and I'm tempted to leave just to hear anything other than silence.

I go into the kitchen and open my junk food cupboard. Sitting on the shelf is a container of brookies. Kyle would kill me if she knew I was buying store bought baked goods but she's still in Malta and I needed something chocolate and delicious. Pouring myself a glass of milk, I sit down at the breakfast bar and a take a large bite of the peanut butter cookie, brownie concoction. It's pretty lackluster and nothing compared to anything that Kyle can whip up. This is definitely more depressing than its worth.

Although I did get a good chuckle out of the name when I picked them up at the store. I immediately was transported back to to high school and I was thinking about that One Tree Hill episode. The one where everyone is talking about "Brooking" themselves. So freakin hilarious. The old man that was grabbing a loaf of bread nearby looked at me like I was a crazy person when I started cracking up right there in the bakery aisle. Obviously he needs a little more humor in his life.

I toss the sad dessert back into the container and take a large gulp of—the milk sprays out of my mouth as soon as the sour cottage cheese hits my tongue. I jump up from the barstool and run to the sink gargling straight from the faucet. I squish my noise up in order to stop the vomit inducing taste. Reaching over the bar I grab one of the brookies and gag as I shove a monstrous bite into my mouth. I chew and swirl it all around my mouth to remove any lingering taste bud ruiners. I continue eating until my tongue is coated in peanut butter and chocolate.

It doesn't take long for the rich flavors to cause my thirst to spike. I reach for the glass of milk and lift it to my mouth and my nose is hit with the awful sourness. Shit. I need to dump this out before I forget again. I grab a new glass out of the cupboard after disposing of the glass and all the leftover milk in the fridge. I get a bottle of vodka out of the freezer and pour myself a hefty amount. I'll burn the taste out if I have to. Taking both the glass and alcohol I wander over to my couch and drape myself across it. Leaning on my side I pour the vodka down my throat and enjoy the burn as it coats me all the way down to my belly.

A shiver travels up my spine and my entire body shudders as I take another shot straight from the bottle. I don't even know why I bought the glass over here with me. I'm obviously not going to use it. I continue taking shots and eventually my tongue is so numb that I can no longer taste the horrendous mess that coated my taste buds. Blech.

I lay here for a few moments longer, but I slowly slip back into the oblivion I just came from. I hope he doesn't chase me back in here. A few hours of peaceful rest is much appreciated.