Peters POV
2 years ago...
I lived in an apartment in the center of town, right next to Kmart the bulk buy shop. Me, my mum and dad lived on the six floor of the ten story apartment. We had to take the stairs everyday, the elevator was broken before we even moved in. I was ten when we moved in and I'm fourteen now.
My life was just the average simple life of a fourteen year old boy. Yeah I was a little poor at the time, sometimes skip a lunch or two, but still my biggest problems were getting girls to like me.
I had only one girlfriend before, but I don't even know if it counts as a 'girlfriend'. Sure we held hands and cuddled, even kissed once. It was one of those primary school relationships, such a drama for just a peck on the lips. Plus it was only a month. She was way out of my leag, she was one of the 'populars', I think she only dated me cuz all her friends had boyfriends and she knew that I was desperate.
It all ended one day, I don't know why she just came to school and said "I don't like you anymore." then walked off. That was it after just less than a month. To be honest I didn't really care, I wasn't heart broken, I didn't spend weeks curled up in a ball crying. it was just over, I guess that proved I didn't really like her, but now I had the name of a player cuz I was the one of few boys that had dated a girl, especially a popular girl.
I hadn't dated again since then. I guess the break up helped me realize that I didn't need a girlfriend, she just took up a lot of my time and occasionally a dollar or two for a chocolate bar. I never spent much on her since I didn't have much money for myself. I did like her, but I never missed her. Girls are just trouble. That's the one thing I learnt from her, Sophia.
About a fortnight after Sophia broke up with me is when it happened. My mum had told me millions of times to stay off the roof it's dangerous but of course being a teenage boy, why would I ever listen to my mum.
It was seven pm we had just finished tea so I told mum I was going to read in my room. Instead I crept out the front door over to the stairs, the sun was just below the mountains making deep shadows down the stair case. Climbing up the next ten flights of stairs, four more stories up I reach the latched trap door. It's normally has a lock on it but lately the cleaner has just been leaving it open.
The cry fully loud screech it made as I pushed it up and open hurt my ears. The concrete roof was filed with long dark shadows from the machinery and air vents. The view from a ten story building over a pretty much flat town is Spectacular. You can see for miles, with the feeling as though you're on top of the world.
I slowly walk over to the edge dragging my feet excited to feel so free. The wind blows through my golden hair. The thrill of adrenalin takes over as I stand up onto the railing. Looking down at the toy sized cars flying past I feel as though i can finally relax.
It's amazing how feeling so free, yet so alone can just clear your mind and enable you to think freely. Yet one mistake could end it all A slight scare and I could fall ten stories down hitting the road with such a thunk that my bones with crumble with the shock. It could all be over one single move. The pain I would feel would be indescribable but it would be over so soon.
This is the only time I've ever thought of suicide but why is it so bad. It will all be over so why does it matter. No one would even care, my death would change nothing. You could be saying right now don't jump, life's worth it. But is it really, unless you make yourself important it obviously doesn't matter if I'm here or not. For a month or two my parents would be sad, then they would get over it move on and probably have another child. Getting on with their life, replacing the unhappiness with another baby, another distraction from the pointlessness of life.
I could take one more step and be inexistent, one more step and be gone forever.
"Peter!" she calls running over.
"Aunt Meg?"
She isn't really my aunt, she lives on the same floor as us. My mum just told me to call her aunt I don't know why. She in her late 20 and lives alone apart from her cat Bobbie. She's not meant to have pets because of the health and safety of the apartment. But no one really cares it's a well trained cat that hardly ever leaves the apartment.
"What are you doing so close to the edge you could fall!"
"I was just looking at the view."
"Well you could do that from a safer, less close to the edge point."
"I'm fine I'm being careful."
"Come off the edge for now though, your giving me a heart attack."
"Nah I'm fine" I debate not wanting to leave my place of freedom.
Meg walks over staring me down. "Now Peter, I said get off the edge." Meg's always been nice I've always liked her, but this was my spot, she's not my mother and I didn't want to move.
She grasps my arms and pulls me down from the lip of the building. "don't do that again you could kill yourself!"
"I won't" I reply struggeling in her grip. "Now let me go!"
" Not till your back inside off the roof."
"Let me go!" I yell this time so loud a few heads turn up from the ground below.
I give a big shove managing to slip out of her strong manly grip. She walks backwards trying to steady her self. It takes me a moment to realize what's behind her. The edge! it freezes, the whole world, everything, it jut stops. I can't move, neither does the rest of the world. Then in slow motion it starts up again, speeding up. Unable to move as fast as the rest of the world all I can do is think. I know what's coming, I know it's my fault and worst of all I know there's nothing I can do.
The scream erupts from her soft lips as her ankle collides with the lip of the building. She realizes it now too, she knows its coming, her end, it's almost here. I can see her limbs flaying reaching for someone to grab her, anyone to save her. But all I can do is watch. The thought paralyzes me. I've almost killed her. She's almost inexistent. She's almost dead. And there's nothing I can do but watch. Just watch, her bones do what I imagined mine would shattering with the impact of the earth. Her body lies still, showing not one sign of life. just death, that's all I can see. It clouds my vision. Death. Dead. No more. Inexistent. Forever gone. Never agin will I hear her soft voice.
That was it. My mistake. Ever since that day death has been on my mind. Every morning I wake up from dreams about death to think about how death impacted my life. I got over. I knew I had to move on. But I also knew she needed to be remembered. She had her life in front of her, and I ended it. I ended her.
After it happened I was still stunned by it all but I slowly strolled over to the hatch heaving it up, sliding down into the hole. Down the ten flights of stairs to my apartment. Walking past Meg's door brought me to my knees in pain. What about Bobbie? what going to happen to him? I crawl over to my door collapsing in front of it. I curl up into the tightest ball I can and just cry. Tears stained my face. Eyes red but checks pail.
My dad opens the door taking a second to realize I'm laying at his feet heaving the tears. Trying to melt the pain. But the guilt. The forever ending guilt. It won't leave. It just stays there throbbing, pounding at my weak heart. I never knew this much pain was possible. The worst I've felt was when I broke my leg. But compared to this. What I'm feeling right now, breaking my leg was a tap on the shoulder. I wouldn't even have the slight knowledge of the pain if I broke my leg right now. I'm numb. Numb with pain and guilt.
"You alright son? what's happened?" He awkwardly questions.
My dads never been good at the feelings thing. I could tell how uncomfortable he was with me tear stained face and heaving sobs of guilt. I carry on crying not bothering to answer his useless questions. Does it look like I'm alright!?
"I'll go get Mum" he says after realizing I wasn't going to answer.
Mum comes to the door. Dad obviously hadn't told her I was crying as she falls the the ground beside me.
"Oh my Peter! What happened?"
"Sh... sh... she" I stutter out. "She fell." I mange to squeak out before collapsing in another mountain of tears.
"It's ok, it's ok dear, just breath. Now what happened?" She attempts to calm me.
"M..m..Meg. She's dead. I killed her!"
"I'm sure she's fine just calm down then we can talk."
"How am I meant to calm down when I just killed her!" I scream my troat going dry.
That dreadful experience was followed by months of court trials and lawyers. Until finally when it was all over we moved. To a little house on the side of the small town where I live now. We still have bobbie although he is getting old and sometimes goes missing for a day or two.
I never thought anyone could understand the pain I went through. I thought I was on my own. I thought I was the only one who could understand life. But as soon as I herd of her and what her dog had done I had hope, hope that she would know how I felt and how I still feel. I hoped that she would know me and my pain just like I know hers.
That day in the library, the one where I saw here is the day that I knew, I knew that she knew. I knew that she could understand. I knew I liked her, I knew she was beautiful and I knew that I wanted to be more then her friend. She had text me that afternoon so that I would have her number. And as soon as I gained the guts I text her back.
'Hey :) umm I was going 2 go 2 da movies... and wondering if u wanted 2 come?'
'Yeah of corse I'd love 2! When?'
And that was how when she ended, we started. We became Us. Life does get better. Remember, everything is ok in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end.
