The Love Trial

My vows to thee?

For most of the journey, it was silence. There was exchanged looks and his hand squeezing below my thigh, but hardly any words. Maybe it was nerves, or maybe he could read the fact that I had something else on my mind.

I spend most of the car journey gazing out the window, just thinking to myself. Once a date was set, a wedding had to be planned fully. It wasn't the idea of planning which was gasping my air, but the idea of actually committing myself to a huge commitment like this. Like marriage. I had already told him yes and I didn't want to post-pone it, so I was to remain silent.

I kept tossing myself in the car, but Liam never questioned me, just held my leg and looked towards me for a second before turning back to the road. Don't wanna crash and die before the big day, right?

There was stuff Liam didn't know about me yet. Stuff that if I told him about them it could ruin everything, his parents would definitely repel me even more than they already do, I know, it seems impossible. I may never be able to give Liam the future he wants, needs, the one he deserves, yet I am still getting out this car and walking into that building about to say something like 'Yay! We're getting married soon! Woohoo'. After this, I would be needing a drink or two, or actually can you pour me three just incase my mouth gets a bit too dry from all this sighing? Does your mouth get dry from sighing? I would ask someone like David Attenborough, but 1: I don't have his number, and 2: I think he would only be able to answer that question if I was a rare specie of gorilla. I guess I am.

I got out the car first, just to pardon Liam from holding the door open for me and I having to be like 'thank you dear, my future, or shall I say soon to be, husband'. It wasn't that I didn't want to say that to him, but honestly you could tell I had had this wedding on my mind for a month too long. I had already imagined Christmas with the In-Laws and God, it was a sight that made me want to gauge my eyeballs out and stuff the turkey with them.

I sighed before opening the door, holding it open for Liam. Liam smiled as a thank you gesture, before elevating the springs in his shoes and beginning to tigger off into the distance. I trailed over to the desk as Liam looked up at a board, probably checking our appointment time.

Pacenly, I signed me and Liam in and went to sit beside him in the waiting chair-reception-room, but instead offered my chair over to some just a little older than me, she smiled, "My first time here"

I half-smiled back to her, "me too", before taking slight offence. She was clearly applying that I looked like I had been married half-a-dozen-million times. I didn't look that old, or Liam wouldn't be with me, unless he liked older women. God people are already assuming I am my Grandma's age and I still hadn't hit menopause. God, my period had only started 6, well 7, years ago. You see I had a pause year- never-mind that is irrelevant info.

Liam sat beside this woman for a further half-an-hour, and I stood here for a further forty-five minutes. Wanna know how that worked out... He had to go sign some other thing in his name while I just took twiddling with my purse strap and pressing my lips together so I wouldn't complain about 'hmm's' the woman made when she read something interesting in the magazine or the 'Oh look Tommy' when she saw a pair of golden earrings with silver speckling shimmers. This was that point when I needed to face palm.

* * *

The room looked like one that would belong to a School Principle. Awards hung above a centered desk, a computer proped at the side, neatly stacked papers in the centre, and filing cabinets standing behind, beside a wheeled black chair, which was covered in black slow-rising foam.

Liam held the door open for me, a beam plastered to his face. I thanked him as I went past, and looked down at his brogues which would begin tap dancing if we waited any longer to set a date. He let go of the door and accompanied me to the two seats across from the one of the woman. Our seats were a lot less comfy looking and feeling. It was like seats you would picture in a counselling group. Heavy plastic and broad bars. I shuffled for a few moments before settling my purse on my lap and looking towards the woman.