Shotgun To The Face

run.

A dream.

We were in the cafeteria and our friend wasn't there, but she told us the day before that she had a dentist appointment that morning so we weren't too worried.

We went through first, second, third hour, and she still wasn't here. Next thing we know, in fourth hour, the principal calls us all in.

We walk in together, having reunited in the hallways. The principal, the secretary, the paras, and the school counselor are all there. The counselor's bright red-violet hair distracts me. I stare at it and she catches me. She gives me a smile, the fakest you can get. I turn to look at the rest of the staff.

One of the paras starts talking. The redheaded. She tells us that...our friend killed herself that morning. Our little precious diamond left us. My little precious diamond left me. She left this stupid world for a better one. But she made my world shine bright. My little diamond made my world shine bright with love, laughter, and comfort.

The principal spoke. He said that she wrote us all letters. I was the last one in line, the last one to receive the letter. You all accepted the letters and started reading them, your guys' eyes clouded with tears, shock, and grief..... When they reached me, I walked backwards, refusing to accept the letter, my diamond's last words.

The adults started saying "I know that it's a shock and that...." but their voices started fading out. I backed out of the office and ran out to the hallway that leads to the gymnasium.

I ran to the locker room and changed my pants into burgundy shorts, my boots into running shoes. I kept my black hoodie with a three-leaf clover on it. 'Unlucky,' I told myself. I took off my necklace, the only thing that keeps my soul attached to my body, that doesn't let it free. I kicked open the locker room door, marching into the small gymnasium. I slammed the outside door open, letting fresh, cold air flow inside. I went outside and started running on the red and black running track.

I ran. For so long. You had all come running after me. I didn't give a shit.

The girl who fell for me tried to talk to me, to slow me down, make me stop, but I ran around her and kept on going.

I ran for about 20 minutes without stopping for a breath, a drink, a pause, a break, nothing. I looked at my legs and my scars were burning red.

I lifted my hoodie to see my stomach scars and the newer ones were bleeding a lot. I tucked the end of my hoodie in my bra so that my stomach would show, so that my pain could be seen by everyone in the world. The blood slowly started trickling down, falling on my shorts and the floor, drop by drop.

Drip.    She left us
Drip.    She's safe now
Drip.    I have no reason to live anymore
Drip.    I deserve this pain
Drip.    I deserve this for hurting her

At one point, you and Linda came up to me and started running in front of me, but I outran you and kept on going.

I couldn't feel my fingers or my arms due to the cold, but I didn't give a damn shit.

After a while, Linda and Keith left the field for a few minutes. They came back with someone, but I didn't care to look. Whoever came back with them ran behind me, keeping their distance, but keeping up with me.

They ran right in front of me for a split second, grabbed my arm, and swung me over their shoulder with ease
I landed on my back, the blow knocking my limitied air supply out of my lungs. I felt the cold ground under my uncovered back.

They pinned me down and told me "Stop it." I thrashed against them. "하지마 " they said, this time pushing a bit more against my shoulders and hips, making me unable to move. I tried to fight back, but I was too weak.

I looked up and saw him holding me down. He had a grey hoodie, a bit too big for him. His dark, kind eyes stared into my brown, sad eyes. I felt something warm go down my cheek. A tear. He loosened his grip on me and said something that I never had the time to here. Something that I've always wanted to hear, but each time I did, I cringed at it and was scared of it.

When I awoke, I thought I knew who held me. But now, I'm not sure. Maybe it's not even someone I know.
I just need someone to be there to hold me when I fall down, when I get back up.
Someone I can hug, feeling safe and loved.
Someone who's not obsessed.
Someone who genuinely likes me and cares for me, without making me feel guilty each time I say something.
Someone who knows exactly what to do when I don't feel ok.
Someone I feel confident to speaking to.
And I hope that I'll meet that person one day... That we all do.

I dedicate this to the person who comforted me when I needed to be held. To the person who always listens to me and never fails to make me feel better. I dedicate this to elliepayne05 because she is the person who always comforted me first.