Sorry •Muke•

NOT AN UPDATE

Hello everyone! It's probably like 1 person reading this but hey. Anyways, I found a slot to where I can make the story like 10-20 chapters longer! Or at least try.

Basically I was going to end the story with them killing themselves, but I wrote out the alternative ending and what do you know, I didn't like the way it ended (again) so I realized I can make it so much longer and not end it there, that's right, expect a 25-40 chapter book guys. Okay, some chapters will be like this, I will later add in a character ask once this gets enough reads. It's at 1,61 reads currently, so if it gets to 5,000 then I will add that. I really hope it gets there. 

I want this to be like one of those fanfictions where you go "DAMNIT WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT!? I COULD HAVE WROTE THIS!" Yeah, trust me I've read ones like that, for instance Brusied by @LiamReedus holy shit, I just read that and I fell in love. or like Oreo by @xAsh_Luke_Cal_Mikex that one was briliant. I think one of my favourite is Boy Dressed in Blood by @Lashtonfan2014 . Any of @SaraLutin 's are amazing as well, I love her books so much. I Kiss The Scars on His Skin is defidently one you should check out if you like this as well.

If you were any of the names I just mentioned, I love you and you are all amazing people, thank you.

Okay, so don't kill me just I am going to give you a background to this story, and why I wasn't updating for a couple months. This was also posted in an earlier info chapter which I deleted and now have this so if you already read it, you don't have to read it again. If you have triggers with any selfharm stuff don't read beond this sentence.

Basically, last year about this time I resorted to selfharm as something to draw the attention out of my problems, a bit over a year ago I then decided to end it all. Only, that night I realized that no matter what I did, no matter how bad my life got, there would always be light. Though, about October of last year, I started again. I forgot why or how I started again, I just did.

Anyways, that went on for weeks, starting off slow but evtually it got out of hand. Since I am overweirght I decided to kinda stop eating. I would purge after every meal, and pushed everyone in my life away. This, was the worst thing I have ever done and is why I was absent for a few months. I would go days without food, and nearly everyday I would selfharm. No matter how hard I tried though, I couldn't find the ability to push out 2 girls. Kaitlyn and Isabella. My bestest friends in the entire world. I owe everything to them, they showed me that there is more to living than darkness. By the end of that school year, I had been so much happier, started talking to people more, I befriended people and even developed a serious crush on this boy. The begining of the school year, I wanted to die, at the end of it, I had never felt more alive.

Today, I no longer have problems with eating, though selfharm is still touchy for me. Basically at the begging of June, Kaitlyn moved away. We are still in touch but it just is not the same. Bella is also away for summer so there is no one here to give me a hug or take away my razors. When Kaitlyn moved, I selfharmed, making me only 2 months clean now but you know what, whenever I feel bad, or anything like that, I can just pick up my phone and I know that I will always get a message back feom Kaitlyn or Bella. So, that is my story, it really does get better. Just give it time.

Michael was me a few months ago, that was my inspiration to write this. Though my boyfriend doesn't kiss my scars (then again, I don't think he knows I has them, they are so faded now thank god) , I have never had sex, and I'm a girl and he's a boy, so it's not a gay relationship. Though we have swam together before, yeah that was fun, we actualy met at a water park, that's what gave me the inspiration to write that chapter. 

Anyways whenever Kaitlyn or Isabella can't talk, I always turn on a 5SOS video and I forget whatever was making me sad. So, I decided to write this, and I actually love it, I can connect to Mikey in this story, so yeah. Thanks a billion to everyone who made it this far, this will sound cheesy but I love you! Every single vote, follow, and comment just makes my day a bit happier.

For everyone who has made it this far, and stuck with me,

thank you so much

-Zoe