When You Realize You've Become 'That Mom'...and What Comes Next

Introduction

Cathy here,  recovering mean girl.  I was the kind of girl that would look you in the face and tell you that you didn't belong.

Should it surprise you that I would become the kind of mom that looked at you like you didn't belong? 

Let me just start by saying, throw away any misconceptions you may have about what to expect with this story. I'm not always the 'Pleasant, happy Cathy' that you like to imagine me being. If you think I should be...I would suggest there is something seriously wrong with you and you should probably get seen for that.

I'm a mom, a wife, a leader at my work, a student, a sister, a daughter, a veteran, and disabled. I hate saying that word 'disabled'. It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. Technically there is, but I don't allow things like disabilities to define who I see when I look in the mirror. You shouldn't either. 

Moving on.

When I had my son I knew I needed to change. I needed to become a better person. I had to face myself and challenge my demons. He deserved the sun the moon and the stars and I would move mountains for my little miracle. 

I had to ask some hard questions. I had to challenge my own thought processes. Would I be the voice of hate that poured poison like wine? Would I want to make sure my son 'knew his place' the way I had learned to know mine? Who would I become when I was angry or sad or bitter at the world? 

The choices that I made when I was at my weakest would define the way my son would view the world. They would define the way he viewed himself and what kind of man he would become. Did I want him to beat his wife the way my own father beat my mother? The way he beat me? Was this the image I wanted to have burned into his mind? 

Perhaps you think you know me. You think you have it all figured out because of my catchy little title. What does that title mean to you? What do you think of when you hear it, when you read it or when you say it outloud? Maybe you think you understand me because you read about my life as a mean girl.

Listen, I'm not blaming you for thinking you have it all figured out. That's what we do after all. Isn't it? Isn't it easier to look at me and cast a sideways glance at the mother who can't control her child than it is to look at the way you treated your own? 

Wouldn't it be simpler if we were all like you or you were all like me?

You may be asking yourself what possessed you to pick up this book and start reading through the pages. You might be cursing yourself for your poor choices and you are thinking about setting it down but you can't. You can't because there is a part of you that secretly wants to know. There is a part of you that yearns to understand how a mean girl turns into 'That Mom' and what that even means.

I won't promise you the moon and the stars those are reserved for someone else. What I can promise you is that I will take you on an emotional rollercoaster. When I am done with you, you won't know what you should be feeling but you will feel something. Is it anger, sadness, pity, joy, grief or shame? Maybe all of the above? 

Look, I can't tell you how YOUR story will end but I can tell you mine.

So, if I haven't scared you off yet, buckle up, buckle in, and get ready for a bumpy ride. Warning, things aren't always as they seem and you may not be ready for it. Don't say I never did anything for you.