Keeping Up with the Grandmas

New Years Day

It was a dark, cold night. All throughout the city, not a being was stirring. Of course, except for one very cramped shack on Fireflame Lane, Starkitown.

"LET'S ALL GET DRUNK!" a very drunk Feather yelled. She stumbled out of the bat cave with pepper juice in one hand and a grenade in the other.

Solstice looked at the explosive in concern. "Uh, Feather, that's a safety hazard."

Feather looked up from where she was forcing some rose wine down Cherri's throat with an odd-looking machine. "What's safety? Never mind no time to wasteeeEEEEEEEEEEE-"

Meanwhile, Crazy was eagerly wielding a box cutter with a maniacal look in her eyes. She opened a rotting parcel which was partially soaked in a red substance that was highly likely to be blood. 'YES! My eyeballs finally got here! Now I can finally go murder Jim-"

Cherri zoomed over, suddenly interested. "Did someone say murdeeeeeer?" She immediately pulled out a medium-sized black firearm, and began discussing the statistics of its accuracy and range with Crazy.

Moon had been watching them the whole time, quietly sharpening her favorite dagger with a rock, secretly thinking of new ways to murder innocent people.

"AUGH THAT'S NOT HOW A PUNNETT SQUARE WORKSSSSSSSSSS-" Ember screamed across the room at Lamb, who looked disinterested and was studying a jar of salt carefully with a hungry gleam in her eyes. "THERE ARE DIFFERENT ALLELES THAT-"

"LOOK! Lilli got packages!" Pebble announced, voice full of excitement. She tore open a package of Twisties and began shoveling them in her mouth.

Koi narrowed her eyes. "In 2006, the court documented that 'The United Postal Service delivers some 660 million pieces of mail to as many as 142 million delivery points.' That's a lot of mail. And a lot of money. Money is good. Do you like money? About 38 million notes are produced every day according to-" At this point, Koi was trampled over by the other CG admins rushing to get their packages. "Ouch, did you know that the average person gets 9672 minor injuries in a lifetime! Wow, a lot of those must be paper cuts-" Koi was whacked in the face with a sticky object.

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!" Cheers could be heard across the room as poppers were popped and corks were corked. Everyone ran around the room, hurrying to wish each other a good year. But soon, the admin's attention turned to their new year's presents.

Gasps of glee and happiness could be heard across the room as bits and pieces of tape and cardboard were thrown everywhere and into faces.

"I got the new Scourge 45KT rifle!" Cherri cried out, running back over to Crazy who was dissecting an eyeball.

"YES I GOT SOME SANTIAGO WINE!" Feather screamed, accidentally throwing it accidentally against the wall, smashing it to smithereens. "Oops."

"Ooh! My new book came, full to the brim with movie trivia.! With over 5000 fascinating facts about human anatomy-" Koi drawled, talking to no one in particular. She was then smacked in the face by a packet of white chocolate Tim Tams.

"YES MY TIM TAMS AND TWISTIES ARE HEREEEEEEEEEEE!" Pebble exclaimed in joy, ripping open the caramel flavor and munching on three at a time.

"Yay, my liquor- I mean succulents arrived!" Lilli quickly slipped a cylindrically shaped object into her abnormally large pocket and pulled out a plant.

Moon was last to open her mail. She ripped the seal with her finger, and stuck a hand into the envelope, pulling out a note. She scanned it quickly, a grin growing across her face for the first time in centuries.

She reached back in, pulling out a fistful of bills. "CG, get packing. We're upgrading to an apartment.

Hello, Koi here with a new story! I really hope you enjoy this new, completely accurate and truthful interpretation of the admins :)