Chapter Thirty Two

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M E A N I N G F U L
M I S T A K E S
Chapter Thirty Two

M E A N I N G F U L M I S T A K E S Chapter Thirty Two

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I haven't felt it in a long time, but I feel empty.

A void that sits in the middle of my chest.

Suffocation floats in the air around me. Like poison that attempts to seep in my blood. I'm aware that I am sitting still in a room full of people, but it's hauntingly quiet.

As if I'm surrounded by ghosts as hollow as I am.

Until a horrid screeching noise echoes around the eating hall- of cafeteria for better words, as a girl pulls back the chair across from me.

It's compulsory to sit here everyday for our scheduled time. It's done so that doctors can monitor us if we decide to eat something, then they can note who needs to be watched.

"I overheard some girls talking." The unfamiliar girl with bright ginger hair sits herself down and nods her head in the directions of the table where majority of the girls sit together. "Apparently you're the Lolita who has a record for being here the longest, and after a few months, you're back."

"Do you want a signature or something?" My words are spoken slow. I'm not in any mood for conversation. I'm okay with being stuck in my little bubble by myself.

The red headed girl looks taken by surprise. "I'm sorry if I offended you or something. I was just curious to see if what they were saying was true or not." Her hair amazes me the more I stare at it. It's so coppery- ginger, that it hardly looks real.

Her cheeks are dusted in pale freckles and her eyes are a forest green. Her milky skin and sunken facial structure glows under the lights.

I envy her looks. I'd do anything to trade my silvery hair and boring blue eyes for something to rare.

"Well, they are." Bitterly, I say and push the lunch tray in front of me even further away. Any thought I even considering having about eating to get out of here is now gone after she brings my past. The sight of sandwiches and salad is making me sick.

Because when I see that food, I'm reminded of where I am. That I'm being watched and treated for something Doctor Weston understands on a textbook. He hasn't lived in my head and heard how I'm programmed.

"I'm Harper." She introduces, despite my efforts to get rid of her, and extends her hand over the table. I raise a brow and hesitantly shake her hand.

I suppose this is the same way I met Chuck Vanderwal when he was admitted. He and I kept each other company here- we kept each other sane.

"I'm Lolita, but you already know that." I'm uncomfortable knowing that people are aware of who I am and that I have a reputation.

It feels like my mother is seated around me. I'm in a room filled with her. She'd be telling me not to change for others. That this is my life and a way to numb the tears.

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Live up to that reputation.

"Most of the girls and guys do, actually." She corrects. "Some people were admitted just before you left, and they spread stories of you and Chuck. Not to mention when he was here he always talked about you and some William boy."

A small smile stretches on my face.

My friends. I miss how good it felt to be around them. As heartbreaking as it was being brought here by William, hearing his name is like a breath of fresh air- a break from his harsh reality.

"You knew Chuck?" I ask.

Harper nods eagerly. "I was admitted a week before he left." She tells me. "He was really nice and determined to get help so he could finally live his life."

"Yeah, he is really nice." I lean back in my chair and glance up at the clock that hangs above the doors. "Look at that, times up."

I stand and start to head towards the doors. I don't mean to be rude to the red headed girl, but as soon as my time is up I need to be out of that room.

It's a torture place.

"Wait for me!" Harper shouts and scrambles up from where she was sitting.

Doctor Weston is standing beside the closed doors with his arms crossed and a disappointment look on his face that is meant for me.

All his hard work he spent on taking care of my health and getting me to recovery was wasted.

He had hope today that this all is just a slip up on my behalf- that I would be on my feet in no time. Although once he saw my bruises spine from sit-ups and the weight I'd lost, he became away it's no one time relapse.

"You didn't eat anything." He states the obvious.

I shrug. "Wasn't hungry. And besides, if I were to eat a single thing I would have every doctor sticking to my side all day to make sure I don't throw it back up. It's not fun when you need to pee and you have a doctor beside you incase you." My excuse slips from my lips.

Privacy is a myth here. There's no other alternatives for them to ensure we are following the rules.

Harper loops her arm through mine and pushes one of the double doors open. "I'm sure the food was great, Doc. Just maybe to those who actually would like it." She drags me away and with her back out into the cross section. "Where are we going now?"

"I'm going back to my room for a nap." I state and start to walk straight to head to the rooms. I bathe in my privacy when I can get it.

"What? It's only one o'clock! You can't nap the day away! The sun is still out!" I stare at Harper oddly when she twirls around. "See, look! Let's start our own little program. We can pick a book, read it, then swap and give our reviews. It keeps us on our toes."

There's something about this red head called Harper.

She appears so happy towards me and says things that most teenagers her age wouldn't say. Like a lost language- or more like a child's words.

I feel a hidden sadness pool from her. It's buried deep into her skin and hides beneath her bubbling personality.

Before we can reach the hall with our bedrooms, she grabs my arm and tugs me towards the main area for the patients. It's essentially a multipurpose room.

A large circular rug is centred in the room with couches and chairs scattered around, a tv with the news playing in the background, and a book shelf that occupies a whole wall. It has both books, puzzles, and board games.

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