When I was younger, I was a chubby kid
Didn't think too much of it til I stopped blending in
With the other kids that were a normal weight
They'd lift their heads, point their fingers and say
Something like, "Wow, she could lose a few pounds,
If I were as big as her, I'd never go out."
Let me tell you a secret though,
I wasn't even that big,
But I didn't realize that because I was too busy
Listening to those kids.
They called me fat and they called me ugly
They made me feel like crap everyday
Until one day I finally had enough
I was gonna change the way I looked.
I became obsessed with what I ate and numbers on the scale
Hated the way I looked and how I felt
Yeah, I got really thin, but my hair was falling out.
People at school were still making comments,
But now they seemed worried
"Wow, you're so skinny, are you feeling okay?"
And I say yeah, but in reality I was about to pass out
Because I hadn't eaten in days.
I skipped lunch at school, skipped dinner at home
But nobody ever noticed because I spent my days alone
Pretty soon I got so small
My clothes didn't fit, they were falling off
I started at 130, dropped 15 pounds like it was nothing
I couldn't see my ribs yet and I still had my cycle,
So in my head, I was a-okay
But when they asked me when I last ate,
I had nothing to say.
I looked into the mirror and I wanted to cry
I still thought I was huge and it made me wanna die
I was surviving off of water and 300 cals a day
Anytime I was asked, "Are you hungry?"
I would lie and say, "I already ate."
There's this disease of which we should all shed a light
It's called anorexia nervosa and it could've ended my life.
Day after day, night after night
I struggled alone with no one by my side
I wasn't myself and no one noticed,
So I pretended I was fine
Until I got to the point where I could almost see my ribs
And I didn't notice that I was that sick.
The numbers were lower and lower, but never low enough
I wanted to see all my bones and I knew I could "stop when I was done."
Ana and Mia will hold your hand,
They'll whisper, "You're not sick, they just don't understand."
But in reality, I was slowly killing myself
And by the time I realized, it was almost too late
But here I am, still today.
I may be healthy, but I still struggle
Because Ana is a disease that lives in my head
But I know I can overcome this
I have to because if I don't, I'll be dead.
