-Jason's POV-
I went back to my room to avoid everyone because I didn't want people to be bothering me about what's going on with me now. They should know what is bothering me. I hate myself for what I did, why did I do it anyways, I don't know what made me think it was a good idea to do what I did and I hate that things turned out this way. I wish I could turn back time and fix my mistakes.
I was spacing out and didn't notice what I was doing. I had another knife against my wrist like I was about to cut myself. I snapped out of my thoughts really quick and then realized that I had the knife. I closed the blade and threw it on my desk really fast.
What is wrong with me? Why am I doing this. It's like I have no control.
A minute later, y/n and Joe walked into my room.
Joe: what was that sound?
Jason: what do you mean?
I tried to act like I didn't just throw a knife across the room.
Y/n: we heard a sound come from you room.
Jason: Oh.
Joe looked over at my desk and saw the knife.
Joe: Jason why is there a knife on your desk.
Jason: I... I don't know.
Y/n: Jason what did you do?!
Jason: nothing, I didn't do anything!
Joe: then why is there a knife on your desk?
Jason: I spaced out for a while and then I randomly had the knife in my hand and I had it pressed on my wrist like I was about to cut myself but then I realized that it was there and I shut it and threw it.
Y/n walked over to me seeming kind of mad and grabbed my arm to look to see if I had any new cuts.
Y/n: what is going on with you Jason?
Jason: I don't know... I just lost it when I found out what I did to you and now I feel like I don't have control over myself.
Y/n: well get help with that then.
Jason: why? I don't really care.
Y/n: do it because other people care and I know that once you start cutting yourself that it only gets easier to do it! I have cuts all up and down my arms and legs because of how I felt. Other people care about you so if you don't do it for yourself then do it for your family.
Joe: yeah. Jason it's really selfish for you to think about yourself, if you continue to cut yourself and things get worse and I lose you then that is selfish of you because you probably don't even care how I would feel. You would only be thinking about yourself and how you feel, but you need to think about mom, and dad and me and Jaide, you need to think about how we would feel.
Jason: whatever. At least I didn't cut myself this time.
Y/n: maybe this time but if you don't stop yourself next time then nobody knows how far you will get.
Jason: then what am I supposed to do? How can I get help for something that I don't even know what it is?
Joe: you feel guilty, that's what it is.
Y/n: I have forgiven you but you aren't able to forgive yourself.
Joe: why?
Jason: I don't know... maybe because I loved you.
Y/n: what is it with you two now!? One day you guys hated me and now you know about my suicidal past and all of a sudden, both of you love me.
Jason: I can't help it... I tried to stop like you but I couldn't stop so I pushed all my feelings down and became an jerk. I don't know what else to do because now I have all these feelings but I also don't feel hardly anything. It confusing.
Y/n: what you need to do is you need to get over it. I'm giving you this chance to redeem yourself for what you did to me in the past. Instead of making us take care of you because you can't get over the past, how about you change the future and be better, take this opportunity that I'm giving you to fix your mistakes.
Jason: ok.
Y/n: I'm still too worried to leave you alone.
Jason: why?
Y/n: why!? Because you are a mess! You need help... I wouldn't be where I'm at today if I didn't get help. I wasn't aloud to be left alone until I was better and now we need to get you some help.
Jason: will I get control over myself again?
Y/n: yeah... you will. Just let us help you.
Jason: ok.
Y/n: first we have to get all the sharp objects out of reach, and any other object that could possibly be broken or made into something sharp.
Jason: why?
Y/n: if you have something sharp then you would be able to cut yourself.
Y/n and Joe went through the house and put all the possible dangerous objects into a room and locked the door to it so I couldn't get the stuff.
