Hi all,
I know I ended quite abruptly on my last entry, but I must admit I got quite caught up in my own memories.
Anyways, where was I? Oh, yes! After our fun outside, Cameron managed to carry my tired body upstairs to the spare bedroom, and tucked both of us under the covers. He layed on his back with one arm around me while I drew randomly on his chest with my fingers. I could tell by his breathing that he wasn't asleep yet, probably thinking like I was.
"What's your biggest fear?" I found myself breaking the comfortable silence we had been in for quite a while.
I could feel his heart rate speed up under my hand before he answered. "Probably being alone. Which is weird considering I try to isolate myself. I guess it wouldn't be loneliness I fear so much as being abandoned, or left by someone I don't want to lose."
"That's why you isolate yourself? Leave them before they leave you?" I asked, finally understanding why he had so many walls built.
"I guess." He shrugged, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I don't see the point in getting close to people in high school, we're all going to go separate ways when we graduate. I know it's a weird way to look at life. But that's just how I feel."
"It's not weird. Just kinda sad." I replied as I slid my hand up to cup his cheek so I could kiss him lightly, before laying back down and placing another kiss on his side. "But I understand." I whispered, closing my eyes and intertwining our fingers again, drifting off into a peaceful dream, about none other than the beautiful boy wrapped around me.
I woke the next morning with the feeling of being watched. I knew he was looking at me, I could feel it. He couldn't see my face, so I made sure to stay real still. Just to see how much longer he would watch me sleep.
"Good morning." He said softly, as he rubbed my shoulder.
"How'd you know I was awake?" I asked, turning to look at him, with a confused look.
"Your breathing changed." He shrugged, like it was obvious.
"How long were you watching me sleep?" I questioned as I traced his stomach muscles with my finger.
"Not long." He smiled to himself, like he had a secret.
"You're lying." I said boldly looking right into his eyes. "Don't be embarrassed about it. It's sweet. And so....you." I managed to admit, to him and myself. He just smiled and leaned down to give me a quick kiss.
"Hungry?" He asked with a raised eyebrow. And before he could finish my stomach was growling. "I'll take that as a yes." He laughed. "You get dressed, I'll go start breakfast." I didn't even have time to reply before he was already out the bedroom door, wearing nothing but sweatpants.
I managed to get myself out of the bed and dress myself in spare clothes I kept at Jenna's. As I was looking in the mirror, trying to make my hair presentable, I noticed something on my neck. I pulled the collar of my shirt and leaned closer to the mirror, only to see a very large hickey forming, from when he claimed me the night before. 'Dammit' I cursed to myself, hoping like hell Jenna wouldn't see it.
Before I headed downstairs I grabbed Cameron's shirt off the floor, deciding to take it to him, mostly to keep myself from jumping him in the kitchen. As I entered the kitchen, his back was to me, cooking. As I got closer, I could see all the long red marks down his back.
"Shit, Cameron, your back." I exclaimed, my eyes going wide and my hand reaching out to touch the scratches. He flinched a little, but I think mostly due to the coldness of my hands.
"Guess I know I was good last night." He smiled smugly to himself, flipping pancakes.
"Yeah and explain this." I almost shouted as I pulled my collar to the side showing him his handiwork on my neck. He too was surprised at what he had done last night, his eyes going wide as well.
"Shit, babe, I'm so sorry." He made a face of discomfort showing just how bad he felt. "I didn't realize. I must have gotten carried away." He kept on until I shut him up with a kiss.
"It's fine." I pecked his lips again. "Your pancakes are burning." I informed him, which seemed to get him worried about something other than my neck. "Oh and put this on before Jenna sees your back." I demanded as I slung the shirt I had carried with me over his shoulder. He quickly obeyed and finished cooking the pancakes.
Breakfast was uneventful, meaning Jenna thankfully hadn't seen my neck. After we placed the dishes in the sink for Jenna to wash, Cameron caught my hand at the doorway.
"Wanna go for a walk?" He asked tilting his head toward the back door.
"Sure." I shrugged. Our last walk had turned out quite great, so why not?
As we followed the same path we had last time, we walked in silence, with our intertwined hands. I just love the way his hands feel against mine, including the way they fit so perfectly around mine. After a minute or two or five, he lightly tugged my hand pulling me from my thoughts.
"Ya know, you ask me a lot of questions." He basically informed me, cause I know he wasn't really asking. I just nodded in response. "Can I ask you some?" He managed to add, as he rubbed the back of his neck with the hand not holding mine. That's something I've noticed he does when he's nervous.
"Of course." Was my only reply, as I continued to watch my feet making sure I didn't fall.
"What did you really think of my paper?" Once the words left his mouth his eyes focused on my face. And my only thought was, 'really? He's asking about his paper?!' But nonetheless, I answered him honestly.
"Well, you have amazing technique. Your writing style is wonderfully fascinating to me. You write with a lot of passion as well. The girl you wrote about should consider herself lucky." I smirked when I saw his reaction, because that is clearly not what he was expecting me to say.
He gave a small laugh before replying, "Yeah. Um, you know who it was about don't you?" I had to bite my lip to refrain from laughing at his legit worry that I was that oblivious.
"Yes, Cameron." I laughed out, making him relax and laugh as well. After our laughing died down, his expression went awfully serious again. "You're a serious person, huh?" I found myself voicing my thoughts.
He simply shrugged his shoulders before stopping, pulling me to a stop as well, and looking right into my eyes. "Just about how I feel about you." He said as he reached his hand up to cup my cheek, slowly sliding his thumb across my cheek. Before I could say anything, he spoke again,
"I know this was supposed to be no strings attached, because neither of us believe in love, and I'm sorry I messed that up, but I've never felt the way I feel when I'm with you with any other girl. Yes, it could just be the fact that your older, and your my teacher, which makes this much more illegal. That could be part of it too, the excitement of breaking the law, but what I do know is that last night, hearing you tell me you're mine and letting me claim you, made me feel things that I can't explain. And having you want me the way I want you, drives me crazy. I've had other girls want me, but none that I've wanted to want me. I've also never let another girl claim me the way you did last night with your nails against my skin, and I loved every minute of it." He paused briefly taking a ragged breath. "You've become the one thing I never want to lose. You asked me last night what my biggest fear is, and that's it. Losing you. I know that is so cliche and sappy and a bunch of other predictable words, but I can't help it because I-" he suddenly cut himself off and just stared at me, breathing hard like he had just run a mile. We were so close I could feel his hot breath on my cheeks.
He leaned in resting our foreheads together. He continued to stare into my eyes silently pleading me to understand what he was trying to say, and like a lightbulb going off in my head, I suddenly realized. He was trying to tell me he loves me, but he couldn't do it. He slowly closed his eyes, still trying to catch his breath. I just smiled softly, reaching up with both of my hands holding the sides of his face. As soon as he felt my touch his eyes flew open, and immediately his eyes went to my lips, waiting for me to speak.
"I love you too, Cameron." Was all I said, before his lips were on mine and his hands gripped my waist pulling my tight against him.
I'm gonna end here for today. Goodnight all readers,
Rebecca.
So..there's chapter 8. What did you think??? Let me know! :)
