The times I stayed up til 1:00 am

Have you ever felt so alone you felt like giving up?

I feel like no one can understand my feelings, it makes me feel lonely. I could give up everything and I would feel terrible. Terrible for letting myself give up, terrible for what I have done in my past, terrible for how bad of a friend I am for hiding things, terrible for just living. It gets tiring after a while, just having to fight myself everyday to keep me from doing something stupid. Something stupid like killing myself, cutting until I pass out, finding every pill I can and taking them all...... I just want to fly. I just want to be free. Even if it takes an eternity or shorter than that, I'm willing to live or at least try. There's really only one thing keeping me on this earth, I'm living for that reason and that reason only. Even the pain of living, the emptiness of my emotions, the want for pain, it's all worth living for that reason...... I wouldn't have it any other way.