relationships with the gods and why i don't deserve them

Chapter One-Apollo

"Apollo and I"

My lover was more than he could possibly comprehend
The stars wept for him
He commanded attention,
Whether he intended it or not
And when necessary, the world was on its knees to aid him
Galaxies collapsed when he was in pain
And at every decision he made,
The gods themselves gave him praise
I have never seen anyone more loved and valued by people
Simply because he was and will always be a god
At times I think that I'm being dramatic when I say that
But am I, really?
Is it really silly of me to put him on a
pedestal?
He was made of diamonds and stardust
His face was sculpted from marble
Chiseled to perfection
His bones were made of gold
His eyes, blooming with supernovas
His was my very own Apollo
He was a deity
So skilled in everything he loved to do
He was able to befriend pythons
He depicted such manly beauty it was an art
Every action he performed was art, he was art
He was so heavenly,
Placed in line at his own temple for worship
He sat at Delphi, laurel wreath around his soft dewy skin
He produced a throne from his followers
He was destructive,
A bitter soul
Yet he healed those he believed were worthy of a cure
Although he couldn't heal himself
He was so thoroughly adored by almost all
I envied it with a passion
It bothered me that my Apollo couldn't see that fondness for himself
He is a god, incapable of seeing the euphoric kingdom he created in the clouds
My Apollo was, for a time, unable to make it back to his Olympus
I suppose that's why he settled for me, a worthless mortal
All those he came into contact on Earth with were instantly infatuated with him
Ready to brace wars for him
Ready to pour out support
He was so blind of what his presence meant to others that it angered me
Flocks of people were enamored by him
He was talented
Truly a sight
He was so wonderful
So incredibly loved
And then there is the mortal with dull blood in their body
I was and always will be nothing compared to my Apollo
There is only rot and dust in my veins
My eyes reveal a hollowed mudpit
My bones are frail and are as broken as my dreams
I am nothing extraordinary
And he was my utter contrast
He was Ursa Major
And I was just the specks that flickered on sand
I am trapped in my own insecurities and body
And he was so outwardly confident with himself
He was so perfect in my eyes
He was so flawed and it mattered the least to us mortals
It didn't matter to me
Because yes, he was so flawed but it was those flaws that made him godly
It was those flaws that Zeus himself loved
Then one day an update,
Hermes called
Apollo finally made it back
And left me to waste on Earth
The boy who claimed to have seen the stars in my eyes
Tell him that I apologize for not being good enough for him
Perhaps I was too bland for him
I failed to keep him satisfied, maybe?
What do I do now?
My sweet Apollo,
My light,
My world,
My universe,
What did I do wrong?
Why did you love a foolish, useless mortal?
Apollo,
Please know that I miss you
And it was an honor to call you mine