******AUTHOR'S NOTE******
I had written this piece only as a 'vent' in reaction to the show's take on episode 30 so had left it with Can's decision to leave, as the show had left it... I just got there a little bit differently.
At the request of several readers that this story's ending could not possibly be the end :) , I am continuing, but only with an epilogue for closure as I am also just trying to focus on finishing another work, "Keşke," and have limited writing time. :)
Also... I am blatantly stealing Sanem's book dedication from TAS_130 's work "Never Say Never | Oneshots; A New Awakening-Part 4" (Ok, 'borrowing' her borrowed poem, by Danielle C. Thomas- < Source: https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/love-at-first-sight > .) Simply put, it was perfect.
*************************
Can's four month photography job extended to six, leading him through parts of Albania, Bosnia, Croatia, Montenegro, North Macedonia and Serbia. He'd ended up in Kosovo where his employers extended another offer for a six month job, further east, in Italy.
He was well into his second month when he finally started to settle into the groove, and allowed his mind to ease. He had gotten word to Emre of his progression a couple of times and, about half way through his excursions, he had learned of his mother and Polen conspiring to keep he and Sanem separated.
Enough time and distance had let him react with some level of calm... While he had wanted to improve relations with his mom, he'd apparently still kept his guard up against her, so he hadn't felt shocked by the news. He was a little surprised that Polen had involved herself with such actions, but his feelings for her weren't strong enough to be too affected. He understood she still wanted to have some kind of relationship with him- she'd made that clear when he first ended things with her.
Over the course of his year long journey, he had plenty of distractions from his past in Istanbul. Sometimes, he welcomed them wholeheartedly, focusing only on his work and he completely immersed himself in the many cultures and people he encountered along the way.
Other times, he was able to incorporate reminders of home into his present without getting upset, or angry again. Little things... for instance, some of the food he got to experience would lead to his wish to share it with Sanem, knowing her passion for cuisine. He could picture her, tasting new flavors and loving certain things. When this happened early on in his trip, he ended up with painful memories and sad, sometimes regretful thoughts. But that eventually evolved to fond memories, and thoughts of hope for the future... maybe they would someday travel together and he could have an enriched experience with her as a travel companion.
When he first found himself having those hopeful thoughts, he would shake them off, telling himself to avoid thoughts of her, or of anything related to Istanbul... he was here to refocus. Clear his thoughts and explore other possibilities to determine what he truly wanted- what he really felt. Then over time, he allowed those hopeful thoughts to remain, sometimes meandering in his mind to all kind of paths he could take... sometimes with her, sometimes on his own.
Now, with his contract coming to a close, he had come to the conclusion that he would very likely go back to Istanbul, but that's as far as he allowed his thoughts to go, remembering Sanem's words- she may not have waited for me. He himself, had remained unattached, of course. After his stop over in London, there had been a couple of additional visits from Polen... twice in Montenegro, once in Italy. They had spent time together, sometimes discussing what his next step would be but, he inevitably would only go as far as the immediate... where his assignment would take him next, when he would be at a new location, etc. He wouldn't talk about anything too far into the future, though he knew that's what she wanted to know.
She had divulged to him that her brother had taken up office space for his publishing company on the floor below his agency, and that Sanem was working with him on her writings. She really only brought it up to gauge his response at the mention of her name, but she got no real reaction. He had only said he was glad they were both doing well.
At her second visit to Montenegro, he had finally given her some sense of closure, essentially telling her she should not hope. He let her know that Emre had told him of her conspiring with his mother, but besides that, he simply did not have deep feelings for her and thought it unfair to let her think otherwise. She wanted to know if he would go back to Sanem and he told her the truth. That he did not know. He tried to convey that whether he ended up with Sanem or not, had no bearing on their own relationship. If she wanted to keep in touch, he was open to that, but he would not entertain the idea of anything romantic with her. She came to see him one last time in Italy, conceding to his wishes and apologizing for her role in coming between he and Sanem. She had truly believed that he'd be happier without ties to one place... to one person. She just didn't understand his feelings for her, and probably never would understand. They parted ways amicably.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
While Sanem had felt a certain peace with how they had left one another, she still found it too painful to remain at the agency. Emre had tried to convince her otherwise, but didn't push, understanding of her position. In classic Sanem fashion, she actually stumbled upon another opportunity almost immediately, having a chance meeting with the owner of a publishing company. The circumstances of their meeting was a whole other story, involving a small accident, (which had almost kept Can in Istanbul, but she had convinced him not to delay).
Also, in classic Sanem fashion, said owner, Yigit, happened to be Polen's brother... and the cherry on top- his new office space was in the same building, just a floor down from Fikri Harika. Now, at one time, Sanem probably would have shrunk away from having to deal with that potential drama and stress, but she was filled with new determination. She had recognized that she had forgotten herself- she'd gotten caught up entirely with Can- her love for him overtaking all else in her life... she hadn't written anything substantial in so long. His absence, while painful, had provided opportunity for her to refocus on her own dreams again, and she made a decision based on that. Her own wants and desires. Yigit could help her achieve these goals, so she chose to steel herself against the memories of the upper floor and overlook the connection with Polen. Besides, this would keep her close with her friends from the agency without having to enter her old work space.
In a matter of weeks, she had gone through her notebook with Yigit, editing bits and pieces ending up with a lovely little set of poems and short stories. They released the collection as one work and it was a huge success for that smaller genre. Yigit had her work as an editor for other authors as well and she was absolutely enthralled with t he process. After three or four months, she had begun real work on her novel, with Yigit's feedback and guidance.
It was a beautifully tragic undertaking, as it was essentially her own story with Can. Some parts were sheer torture to get through, while others were simply bittersweet. In her reflection, things started to get a little easier, allowing her a slightly different perspective with a certain level of an 'outside-looking-in' view. She sometimes found herself wondering how he was doing... what new experiences he was having, hoping he was getting what he needed, genuinely wishing him happiness. She did occasionally get a brief update from Emre whenever he'd heard from him, but she never asked for anything further.
Continuing to work through her novel, she felt she gained both a level of empathy for Can's point of view but, at the same time, a heightened sense of independence and self assurance in her own growth. She'd reached her own understanding that, she really will be okay without him if that's how things end up. She will always love him... perhaps would not ever completely be 'over' him, but certainly capable of moving forward without him. It gave her a deeper sense of peace.
