Muggles survival guide to Harry Potter: Year one

Owls: Recieving your letter.

Now contrary to popular belief receiving your letter isn't just an owl swooping down and dropping a letter at your doorstep or through your chimney like, oh what do you muggles call him? Santa I think. Over here we call him Nicholas,fastest man to ever travel around the world without using a broomstick. Enough of this history lesson you will learn more about this when you arrive. Now some of the fatalities may include... suffocation, decapitation and or paper cuts.

Suffocation: this is quite the common occurrence when receiving your letter, mind you it hasn't happened to a muggles in quite some time. In fact you have a 90% chance of not being suffocated to death. Now there is a simple way to avoid this option, once you receive your letter open it straight away and don't wait for more owls to come and drop more letters because otherwise they will just keep coming and coming until you eventually are suffocated to death and then you die. (oh wow what a surprise there)

Decapitation: Now this is actually a quite common occurrence, you would be quite surprised how many people have managed to meet this sad demise. It is quite simple now you can fall under this fate, much like the suffocation. If you don't see or open your letter after sometime then the letters start getting a bit bored, and when the letters get bored they start looking for excitement, they also tend to move quite quickly too. So when you wake up in the morning and head down to get a quick cuppa to wake up with and all if a sudden a letter comes flying at (the letter will come flying at you because if will think that you are exciting) and before you know it you're the newest member of the headless hunt. An easy way to stop this from happening is to just read your letter when you get it at the start. Even if you've been away for a while there may still be hope and all you have to do when you come home is open straight away.

Paper cuts: probably the most common and the worst to receive. These dastardly things are the reason our society use our magic to write, open and read our letters. These are almost impossible to avoid and I suggest that you just open your letter and hope for the best. The reason that there is little writing about this is because of the how many people are afraid of this, many believe that the great salazar slytherin created a curse to give someone a paper cut although this has never been proven.

Now please don't let this scare you away from the most prosperous time you may have as long as you follow these simple guidelines in this survival guide. Next stop (as long as you haven't been decapitated, suffocated and/or had a life threatening papercut) buying your stationary.

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