Stories to Self

Missin ppl

I miss so many people. I miss everything. I wish God would just put some of them back in my life again. Because I know I'm not better without them, I know I'm not the best version of myself without those ppl in my life. Like my mentor she made me do things and she'd be getting on me for the way Ive been lately. She'd talk things out with me. My "best" friend she's supposed to be the girl that shows me that I don't need boys, that cheers me up, the girl I tell everything to. My boy, the guy that makes me smile when I don't feel like it, the guy that's annoyingly adorable, the guy that tells me gm and gn, the guy that wants to talk to me and know how my day went and who I am, the boy that will kiss me relentlessly, the someone who keeps me stable.

I've lost all of these people and I want them all back so badly. My life is falling apart and time is giving me whiplash.

All I really want is too feel the way I did all the back in June and July. I loved every damn day I lived. Now I hate every hour. If God wants good things for us, isn't happiness a good thing? Doesn't God want me to that happy? So why has he made me so sad and angry these last 7 months. I mean sure there's been a handful of days that were good, but nothing like what I know. I get it there's a lesson with this, but I don't understand why nothing has to hurt so bad for me to learn something I don't even know I do. I guess that's the glory in all of it, I just wish God would send me someone or bring someone into my life that helps me. A angel. Because I can't do this on my own anymore.