So as far as my every day life goes, I've been wedding planning, working, and going to school. All in one day. Every day. I hardly ever have any time for a social life anymore. It's kind of a huge stressor.
Ryan and I are... okay. I keep telling myself that because wedding deposits have been put down and everything is in place to get married in a couple months.
I love Ryan. I really do. But... he's not with me anymore... he's against me. And that truly breaks me. He doesn't quite treat me like a wife yet, and I'm pretty sure he'll break into that. At least I hope.
Most of the time, I don't get to help Ryan make decisions. Before he came home for his birthday, he talked about getting himself a car when he was home. He kept telling me that it'll be my car too, and I get to pick too and help him out. I just wish that he had meant that...
The day of his birthday, I was pretty much irrelevant. I didn't get to help him pick or even sit in the front seat when he was test driving the cars. Which wasn't ideal because I get carsick pretty easily when I'm in the back for long periods of time. So after the last test drive I went back to my own car to be sick in peace. And apparently that's where I screwed up. Ryan made the decision to get the car without me. I didn't get to drive it or even look at what the dash looked like because I was busy trying not to puke. I was sweating and holding in my vomit. While I was at the car throwing up, he made the decision to forget me and get the car.
Ryan eventually came to my car to check on me and when I gave him my opinion about the car, he called me selfish. He told me that if I loved him I wouldn't care what car he got. So I let him go through with it. At that point I didn't have the option to say no.
I hung out at the dealership for a little while but when Ryan asked me to come inside, there was no place for me to sit in the office. His sister had taken the only other seat in the office. I couldn't keep standing. I was feeling I'll. Ryan knew this and refused to ask his sister to move. So I sat in the hall. I felt useless. So eventually I just left. I had no purpose there so I went home.
Later Ryan came back to the house, and blamed everything on me. So yes I was angry and yelled back at him. I get it. It was his birthday. But somehow that was an excuse to forget about his future and his fiancée. It broke me.
I didn't know what else to do so I forgave him and let it all go. We haven't been the same since... I'm still trying to heal but we still fight. And it only gets worse... But it'll get better. I swear.
...at least that's what I keep telling myself.
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Clif bars and Crayons
RomanceA young girl is torn when her best friend, and eventual boyfriend leaves for boot camp. When he returns home as a Marine, she has a lot to learn about patience