Thorns and Roses

Hightide

They say pain is strength
the builder of character
the painter of true beauty.
They say that pain means growth
And if you're not growing your dying
But if you had to ask me I'd say they're lying
Because pain is here and I'm barely breathing.
Holding onto my innocence was a privilege
I wish I'd, had
I was too young for some shit
There should be an age for some of life's shit
But sadly life couldn't give a shit
The younger you are
The harder it hits
The longer it sticks
Now here I am, stuck with it,
With this unwanted pain
I don't want it
I don't want the pain life has given me
I want to cleanse myself of this suffering
I want a fresh start
I want back my heart
I don't want these scars
I don't want these tears
I don't want these feelings
I want to start over
I want a clean slate
I miss my pure heart
My carless ways
My innocent soul
I miss my ignorance
I don't want this pain
That brings me occasional tears,
Awakes the monster in me called Anxiety
And reminds me of these fears
That I supress everyday
I've done my best to keep them at bay
I hate the presence of them,
But mostly how they found their way in
Traveling through air
I breathed it in
My lungs poisoned with it
It burns, it's pain.
I'll push it away where it is no longer in sight
...the tide draws in
I seem to have found peace
But sometimes...it's hightide
And I'm lost in the waves,
At sea I've been pulled in
I find myself drowning
Grasping at water
It provides me no grip
To the bottom of the ocean
I sink
but eventually...
...
...
...I'll float
And wash up on some shore where someone will find me.

"What happend to you?" You ask

Pain, pain happend to me
And if I could rid of it I would
I'd kneel down and pray
"Cleanse me God take it away
Allow me to be reborn and do it again
I know it makes no difference
But I'd ask for one more day
Without this crippling emotion
That controls me unwillingly "
Perhaps that is what I would say
Perhaps he would listen
And grant me my wish
Childish dreaming I know,
But it's hightide in here
And there is no saving me when I am here

-Still Hurting