˜*°Ch 7:Words Of Goodbye°*˜
The rest of my day was a blur. I was in pain both mentally and physically. My mind wasn't focused on anything except me going home and hibernating in my room until I die. Once the bell went for last class, I don't rush out, I just slowly shuffled out as people push me out of the way.
I decided that tonight was the night I would officially do it, I would officially end my life and not back out.
There were a few things I was going to do before I did so though. I wander outside and someone who I was needing to see ran up to me.
"Y/N why did you run away from me?" he asked.
I just shrug and kept walking.
"Let me drive you home again, please it is much too cold for you to walk home." he suggests.
That's exactly what I wanted. I was going to cherish this last car ride with him, these last few moments with him.
"Okay."
He grabs my hand and starts leading my to his car. His hand was bigger than mine and was soft and warm. I held onto his hand and my anxiety was coming through.
Please not now, not with this last moment with him.
As if my body understood, my anxiety faded away and my heart started to flutter. He let my hand go and opened the door for me and once I sat comfortably in the passenger seat he closed it. He got into the drivers seat and started up his vehicle. This time, instead of looking outside I looked at him as he drove. I studied his face hard knowing this is the last time I will be able to admire this beautiful boy.
"Okay I know I'm ugly but you don't need to keep staring." he says, quickly look to me seriously.
"Beomgyu you are not ugly, your beautiful." I say, not stuttering at all.
"Is it really possible that a boy like me is beautiful?" he asks.
I smile, "Of course it is. Don't ever say you are ugly again, okay?"
He nods and I then turn to look out the window. I wasn't going to stare forever or his last memory of me would be of me being a creep. My eyes admired the streets that looks to pretty, lightly dusted in snow.
"Y-you know yo-" he stops himself and so I face him again.
"Hm?"
With one hand on the wheel, he scratched the back of his neck.
"N-nothing. Um never mind." he stutters.
I smile at him being shy and turn back to the window, suddenly realizing that we have arrived at my house.
Taking my belt off and picking my bag up, I contemplate on kissing his cheek or not, I mean it will be the last time.
I turn around my kiss his cheek opening the door and hoping out.
"Beomgyu thank you for being so kind to me and thank you for dropping me off again. I wish you the best on your life." I say, fighting back the tears.
He was blushing, holding his cheek but now he was look at me seriously.
"What do you mean by that?" he asks confused.
"I guess you could you say I'm moving away somewhere forever and never coming back." I fake a smile, still struggling to hold back the tears.
"Give me your number than at least so we can stay in contact." he suggests getting out his phone.
"No point Beomgyu. Thank you again." I say, shutting the door and rushing inside.
I make my way to my room and lock the door behind me before falling to my knees, balling my eyes out.
I can't put myself through this pain anymore. I've had enough of the torture. I've had enough of the past. I've had enough of the pain. I've had enough of everything.
Pulling myself off of the ground, I stumble over to my wardrobe. My fingertips brushing over all the fabrics, I find my favourite hoodie. My best friends hoodie. She let me keep it and she kept one of mine.
Sighing I put on some warm pants and chuck the hoodie on.
====
I had finished dinner and I was going through my room admiring everything before I go. Leaving my phone and everything in my room as I will no longer need it, I take one last look at my room.
Slowly, I make my way into the lounge where both my mother and brother were.
"Hey Eomma?" I ask and she turns to me as I walk towards her.
"Thank you for everything you have done, I really mean it. You have raised me well and you have done amazing. You are the best mother in the world and don't forget that." I say, smiling. "I love you so much mum."
She pulls me into a hug and starts to cry which makes me cry.
It hurt.
It hurt so much but I knew it wouldn't last forever.
I have to do this.
I cannot carry on.
She kisses my cheek.
"My sweet Y/N, you mean everything to me. I love you so much more." she replied.
That hit me. Hard.
I turn to face my brother and fake smile again.
"And thank you too Kwani. You are always protecting me and always taking caring of me. I really appreciate it and I love you so so much." I say, rushing over to him and hugging him.
"Y/N why are being so upfront suddenly." he questions and I pull away from the hug.
"I feel bad because I never express my feelings and never thank you so I just felt like today was the day." I smile.
I stand up and awkwardly go to walk out of the lounge.
"I'm going out now, I am warm so don't worry. Goodbye." I say as I leave and walk out the front door.
It was dark now and I could barely see where I was walking, luckily the streetlights guided the way.
Tears were streaming down my face but I carried on walking. The bridge I was going to, wasn't far so I would be there quite soon.
As I walked, I took in all my surroundings for the last time. Walking past that café that always has a bad smell of coffee I hate. The hairdresser where I got my first hair cut. Watching people walk past, maybe with a dig which I would bend down to pat, remembering the texture of its fur.
I come to a complete halt, standing face to face with the bridge. It was a very unpopular bridge so it would be hard for someone to stop me which is good. The water was dark but flowed calmly beneath the bridge. There was no snow anymore, it had all melted but there was still a breeze that was freezing.
Stepping up onto the ledge I take a deep breath and look up at the sky. It was full of stars and the moon was shinning bright, its reflection perfect upon the water. I looked out to where the water was flowing to, where I was soon to be flowing. It went out to a larger area of water from what I could see.
Tears again started streaming down my face.
"I'm so sorry everyone. I just can't do it anymore, this pain its, its just too much for me to handle anymore."
I look up to the sky again.
"I'll see you soon best friend."
Steadying myself I go right onto the very edge of the bridge, ready to end all my pain and suffering. Suddenly I hear a car and bright lights follow. I turn around, keeping my balance and recognize the car instantly.
"Y/N! GET DOWN, PLEASE!" he yells, running towards me.
"NO!" I yell back as he gets closer and closer. "STOP MOVING, DONT COME ANY CLOSER!"
He listens, stopping just a few steps in front of me but not close enough to reach me.
"Y/N, please. Please don't do this, you have so much life left, so much left to do and s-"
"NO!" I yell again, cutting him off.
"Beomgyu you have no idea of what I'm going through okay? I don't have anything left to love for and my whole existence is just pure torture. I have my reasons and you don't know me so you wouldn't uderstand."
I start crying.
"Help me understand Y/N. Help me understand and I can help you, this is not the answer okay?" he says stepping closer to me.
"No stop, don't come closer. Listen all I want you to do is to leave. Leave me be, you don't know what I've been through and I can't come back from that. Just leave me, go date one of those girls from school, getting married and have a happy life okay? Just go." I say and I wipe my tears.
"Y/N, please I will help you. I don't want to carry on with my life without you, although we have barely meet I know, I just know there's something about you that makes me need you. Please I'm begging you.
I sigh but then start to cry again.
"I'm sorry Beomgyu." I whimper.
Then I let my body relax. Not trying to keep my balance not doing anything. I feel my stomach flip upside down and I hear Beomgyu scream but I just squeeze my eyes shut.
SPLASH
My whole body felt coldness and I could feel myself sinking slowly. My mind screamed at me to swim up and take a breath but I didn't dare. I'm escaping my pain and it will end soon. I felt pressure building up in my head and it hurt, my whole body did and it start to feel numb. I could feel my heart beat slowing down more and more.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
________________________
I changed this book to a Y/N book since that's more popular and would probably be more better for y'all to imagine
So this is a bit sad I guess but I tried so idek if this is good or not haha.
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