You spend all your life scared and alone and being told you aren't good enough
Being ignored and made fun of and forgotten
You spend all your time trying to make people laugh or smile or feel proud of you, or be glad that youre alive,
You remember the screams and the fighting and the beatings and the constant constant feeling that you are a disappointment and at any given moment you could be swept up by the wind and no one would be the wiser – that no one would even care.
And then one day you look back and see that you've grown and that your tormentors have also grown, but not only that – they've grown old
That, even they, are just human, like you - just weak, like you
And all this time you spent trying to make yourself strong, to make yourself liked, to make yourself someone who would never be forgotten, never be disposed of, never left behind – it was all for nothing because that feeling will never go away, that feeling will follow you for the rest of your life, and no matter how many people you gain, no matter how many friends or lovers you take, you will never, ever stop feeling that
And all that pain and torment you went through? All that shit that happened to you as a kid? Youre asked to forget about it. To forgive, and move on. Youre told that everything you thought had made you strong had only ever made you broken. Everything you discarded because you were told it would slow you down turns out to be the things integral to who you are. Everything you sacrificed to make other people happy or proud, everything you did to just make the fighting and the screaming and the beating stop
It was all for nothing
And what then
So you move on. You tell yourself youre still strong, youre still you
You can still make something out of yourself, you just need something to hold on to. Something to make you valuable. Something that would make you wanted and needed and maybe then you might be whole.
Purpose.
So you go out into the world in search of the purpose that will heal the hole in your heart and finally, finally make you a human being.
And maybe it will.
Who really knows
