Life (Jessalyn's view)

Change of heart

 Half way through my grade 11 year, things took another unexpected turn. Emery had a horrible relapse. She was flooded with depression and anxiety. The anorexia took over her whole body and she had almost no energy. Taylor and I tried so hard to help her. We prayed for her everyday, multiple times a day but it seemed like it was no use. Emery wasn't getting better. One day Emery woke up and could barely get out of bed. She cried for me from her room.

"Jessalyn!"

I came running upstairs and went to her bed where she was laying.

"Em, what's wrong?" I said, very panicked.

"I can't get up, why is this happening?" She cried. I hugged her tight.

"I don't know Em. I don't know." Emery kept crying. 

"Why would God let this happen to me?" Em asked. I didn't say anything, "I just want to die," she said. I looked at her in shock.

"Why would you want to die Emery?" I asked her trying to hide my fear and shock.

"I want this testing and pain to be gone. I don't want God to test me anymore," She replied.

"Em, listen to me. God is not the one giving you this pain. He may be allowing Satan to put you through this but he isn't doing this to you. Satan doesn't want you to love God, that is why he's fighting with you so hard. Another thing, I don't want you to die. You have so much more to give. You have to fight and I will fight right alongside of you. We will fight till the battle is won. You can't give up now. Trust God and he'll fight for you to. Satan has no hold of you when God is on your side. Is God on your side?"

She was silent for a little bit, "I want him on my side. I don't know if he is still."

"Let's pray and ask him to come and fight for you, ok?"

"Ok," she said.

"Dear God, please come fight for Emery now. She needs you now more than ever. Give her peace through it all and help me to fight alongside her," I prayed.

"Hey God, I need your help right now. I haven't always been a great person and I've ignored you. I want to give you my whole life. I want you to do what you want with it. Thank you for giving me Jessalyn and Taylor. They have been so supportive and helpful. I love them. Thank you for bringing them to me when I needed them," she prayed sincerely.

"Amen," Emery and I said in unison. She looked up at me and smiled weakly. I had tears in my eyes, but they were happy tears. I was so proud of her. It brought hope back into my heart. 

"I love you too, Em." I said.