The Prison Notebooks

Session 4.4 - Charles Has Dangerous Feelings

Charles Maxwell's PoV

Alice looks even more serious than usual. Guilty, even. Atty snoozes in her lap, snuggled against the folds of her uniform. I'm not jealous anymore. Last night Atty finally crept onto the foot of my bed. Perhaps she sensed that I couldn't sleep. Every time I drifted off, my mind was invaded by a vision of Alice slipping out of a negligee and sinking into a pool of iridescent liquid. I'd wake up, sweating, desperately trying to erase the image.

The visions scared me. Living inside the walls of a prison can trigger terrible symptoms in memory workers. Durya was known to drive men crazy with deviant desires. I forced myself to think about anything other than Alice. Finally, Atty crept up on top of my blanket, whimpering softly. After a few minutes, she curled up against my feet, her warm body comforting me. I swallowed more pills, calming the threatening glowing of my Marking. The Leadership's watchful eye was watching my every move. When I finally fell asleep again, I didn't dream anymore.

"You look tired, Charles," Alice says, stroking the purring robot. "Are you having trouble sleeping? It must be creepy sleeping in this place if you don't have to." She glances around the room. "It's hard for me, sometimes, too."

"More nightmares?" I shift in my chair where I was sneakily sketching her hand holding the pygmey.

"Sometimes, at night, I hear voices," she replies softly.

"It's probably just the other inmates, Alice. Or, maybe it's Isa's voice you're hearing." I watch for her reaction. "I heard about the yard." 

She is unreadable.

"Attacking other girls is certainly not helping your case," I snap, surprised at my own emotion. 

I scribble in her prison notebook. Does not appear to show remorse. 

"The Tribunal takes those incidents very seriously."

Her mouth tightens. "I defended myself. She attacked Mouse!" Her eyes blaze. "I promised Mouse I'd protect her. She's so small, Charles. She's helpless."

"Isa attacked her again? Unprovoked?" This girl was worse than I thought.

"I told her if she did it again, I'd kill her." She stares at me from across the room. Her lower lip trembles slightly. Is it rage? I muse, disturbed. Or fear? Then, she grins.

"When you tell me things like that I'm supposed to report them to the Warden," I say harshly, trying to shame her. "But, I know you didn't mean that."

She shudders. The Warden's name struck terror into the hearts of Durya's inmates. The inmates have never seen or had any contact with the Warden, but she already stood out as a dark legend, an omnipresent image of punishment. One of the Leadership's mechanisms of control, the Warden fostered horrific fables whispered among the inmates.

She leans forward. "Of course not. I've never hurt anyone, Charles. Although, I know you don't believe me." She looks at me, her blue eyes widening. My pulse quickens. I hope she doesn't notice. Those inhuman eyes pierce my soul. They fascinate me.

"I didn't even hurt her. How could I?" She points at herself, "She's bigger and stronger."

"I know, Alice." I warn her. That's why you have to be careful. You don't want an enemy like her."

"It's useless now," she says grimly. "Tell me, Charles. What are you dreaming about? Maybe, I can help." She catches me off guard. I cough abruptly. I'm suddenly clammy. What's wrong with me?

"Let's go back to this secret meeting you say you had with the Director," I fumble, hoping she doesn't notice my weird reaction. "Did you agree to do what he asked, meet with Premier Bane? Did they tell you who he is?"

She withdraws at the question, her eyes darkening. "You clearly think I'm lying. So why ask?" She's right. I don't believe her. But somehow I want to, despite all my better judgment. Why?

"That's not what matters, Alice. What matters is what your memories show. Did you agree?"

"Yeah," she murmurs. "And no. I didn't know the Premier existed, or of his position with in the Leadership. Because, I didn't even know about the Leadership, or how the world worked outside of the Origen, outside of their Program. In Origen, the idea of a few people controlling an entire city, or the whole world, was so foreign. Because in Origen we were all equal." She looks troubled. "But that doesn't really exist. It's just an idea. If I'd known then what I know now -- that they control my world – everything -- I might have resisted, just to save my own life. But looking back, I didn't really have a choice."

"Did you believe you had a choice then?"

Her eyes harden. "Yes. Because I was stupid. Naïve."

"But they had to convince you somehow, right? I mean, you're not really stupid."

She laughs humorlessly. "Sometimes, I think I am. But, yeah, they gave me proof."

I lean forward, my pen poised. I suddenly feel a seed of hope. A possibility of truth. "What proof?"

Alice looks past me, biting her lip. Her hand falls away from the pygmey. "Eve's diary."

I go rigid. "You mean, the-?"

"Yes," she interrupts me, her eyes suddenly distant. "The same diary I left in her coffin the day of her funeral."