Contradiction & Reality

Chapter Eight

"A prolonged angst can create a state of disorientation and detachment, an efficacious blinding, a dangerous proliferation of imagination, and trigger a mechanism of involution by establishing an atmosphere of interior insecurity."

- Jean Delumeau, La Peur En Occident

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Dedicated to @srishti_chakraborty who has been waiting for the update impatiently and encouraged and inspired me with her cute manners... Thank you for everything... :)

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"I am going back to London!"

He informed her in a whisper as he stared at the wall in front of him.

"What? Shravan? What are you saying?" She asked, shocked, and then she suddenly felt anger consume her, "I thought you promised that you wouldn't go back again," she snapped at him as she glared at him.

He had promised her, his father, everyone that he would stay, and now at the sight of the first trouble he encountered, he once again was ready to run away. His needless decision enraged her. She never understood why he felt the need to flee whenever something bad happened. Why was running away always his first thought?

"I did promise that. Because of my father, I wanted to stay back. You and Pushkar too wanted me here, but what you wanted in the past doesn't mean anything now, does it?" He said before shaking his head with a half-smile.

A smile that made her feel as if he was mocking her, telling her that how dare she assume that he would always stay by her side, how dare she think that no matter what she did, no matter how she behaved, no matter how much she pushed him, he would always be at her side, how dare she?

Was she so wrong in thinking she would never lose him? Was she so wrong in believing that no matter how much they fought, no matter what she did, he would forgive her? There was a part of her that was sure he could never stay indifferent towards her as she hadn't been able to remain indifferent towards him either, but it seemed she was wrong...

"Pushkar is happily married and will start his own family soon. There is no need for me to continue to be around," he said, feeling the need to explain to her his decision.

"And Papa..." He said, only to stop with a deep sigh, then shook his head, before continuing, "Some distance between us will do us more good than me staying back," he concluded, his voice firm and his stance unmovable.

"And what about others?" she asked him with a glare, testing how long and hard he was going to defend his sudden decision. Or was it sudden?

'Has he been planning it for all this time?' she wondered as she narrowed her eyes at him.

"My presence doesn't make that much of a difference, Suman. It wouldn't matter to them. In fact, Chachi would be so happy to know that I am finally leaving. She has been trying to send me back ever since I came back and now she would finally get her perfect little family back," he said before smirking bitterly as his mind picked exactly that moment to flash in front of his eyes the Malhotra family portrait that was on display on almost every wall of the Malhotra house.

As the picture of the Malhotra family kept flashing in front of his eyes, he was once again reminded how that was actually the Malhotra family, as it has always been for them and everyone else. His Chachi was not wrong to feel he was an outsider - he himself felt he was one - because that was the truth. That had been the reason he had been so restlessly proving his loyalties and his worth, seeking acceptance and approval from each member of the family. It was unnecessary; he realized it now...