As we walked into the hotel room I watched him lock the deadbolt and latch the door and I suddenly felt a weight being lifted off my shoulders--at least for the moment.
"Why don't you go soak in a hot bath and I'll order us some dessert and find something to watch," he suggested.
I took a deep breath and wrapped my arms around him, laying my head on his chest.
"Whatever happens between us, whatever you decided to do after the wedding and the babies come...just...please don't let him get me," I pleaded in a whisper.
I was tired of being strong on my own. I wanted someone else to watch my back for once.
He pulled back until he was looking into my eyes, "What are you talking about? You think after all of that is over that I'm--what—going to leave? I thought you understood that we're actually together? Is that what's been upsetting you? You think I'll leave?"
I nodded, "And I don't blame you, Preston. I know I have a lot of baggage, but...just help me get away from him for good before you go, please."
He brushed his hands down my hair and looked over my face before settling back at my eyes, "I'm not leaving, I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not letting you go. You can't get rid of me that easily. I know a good thing when I see it and you, Daisy Mitchell, are a damn good thing. I'll be with you every waking moment and when you're sleeping, I'll be wrapped around you. You'll get so sick of me but I'll never let him get to you and I'll never let you go."
I brought my hand up into his hair at the back of his head, lightly tugging, "Promise you'll stay? Promise you'll be by my side?"
He nodded, "I promise. I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart. Now, stop stressing yourself and go get in the bath. I don't want any other answer but 'Yes, Sir.'"
"Yes, Sir," I whispered, feeling his hands turn me around and guide me into the bathroom.
***
"Are you nice and pruney now," he asked as he walked into the bathroom.
The water had grown cold, but I couldn't bring myself to get out just yet. I had spent the time mechanically washing my body, scrubbing the parts that Hawthorne had touched, had breathed on, and felt like I was in a fog.
I had time to think about everything that happened and everything that could happen and...I couldn't find a solution that best suited Preston and me.
"I am," I whispered, my eyes still on a spot on the wall, as I held my hand up for him to see my fingers.
Preston walked closer and grabbed my hand as he crouched beside the tub. He kissed the pads of my fingers, one by one, before brushing a hand down my wet hair, "You need me to help you out?"
I took a deep breath and willed myself not to let the tears that stung my eyes fall, "Yeah, I can't seem to move."
He nodded, "I've got you, Flower."
And he did. He wrapped his hands around my upper arms and pulled me up before walking over to the counter and grabbing one of the big fluffy white towels.
When he came back, he wrapped the towel around me and pulled me out of the tub before rubbing the towel down my body, drying me off.
"Spread," he commanded in a low voice as he crouched down in front of me.
I spread my legs and felt him pat the towel down my thigh, my knee and my calf before starting on the other leg.
And I hadn't missed the fact that he took a deep breath as his face was mere inches from my core before standing and pulling the towel around my back and patting me down, all the way to my behind where he dried and then cleared his throat, taking a step back.
I sidestepped him and walked through the bathroom and into the hotel room and found two covered dishes side by side at the end of the bed.
"What'd you get," I asked as I looked back at him.
I could see he was having a hard time not staring at my naked figure, and that alone excited me, but I appreciated that he wasn't making any moves.
"Chocolate cake," he said in a low voice as he placed my suitcase on the bed and opened it before pulling out a pair of underwear and walking back over to me.
He crouched, once again, and helped me into the panties and pulled them up to rest at my hips.
"You don't have to do all of this," I whispered as I held his head in my hands. His eyes were full of unspoken emotion and it took my breath away.
"I know, but I want to. You deserve it. You're...you're so much more than your past, Daisy and if I have to hold your hand through life to show you that you are worthy of love, worthy of respect, worthy of someone to stay and be committed to you and protect you, then I will, because honestly...I couldn't take someone else doing it. I don't think I could take seeing you with someone else," he kissed my stomach and rested his forehead there.
I felt my emotions gliding down my cheeks as I took in what he had said.
He would stay by my side? He would commit himself to me? He would protect and respect and love me?
"I don't know if you're being honest with me," I whispered and closed my eyes, feeling more tears glide down my cheeks.
He leaned away, but I didn't open my eyes to look down at him, I couldn't take what I would see there.
What if he wasn't serious about us? What if he was just stringing me along? What if he was just keeping me close because he felt pity for me?
But then again what if he was serious?
I didn't deserve him if he was.
I didn't deserve someone so perfect, so beautiful inside and out, even if it was for a short amount of time. He was willing to take the weight of all of my baggage and place it on his own shoulders and I couldn't let him do that. It was my past, not his and he didn't deserve this.
I felt the sob bubble up and out and I brought my hand up to my mouth to muffle it, "Oh, God."
He stood up and I finally opened my eyes, "I have to go," I sobbed and pushed his hands away.
"What," he asked and I saw his confused expression from the corner of my eye as I pulled on a shirt from my suitcase and a pair of leggings.
"Daisy, what are you doing," he asked with his hand on mine, trying to stop me as I zipped my suitcase closed.
"I have to go, Preston. I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry that I brought you into this. You didn't deserve any of it. You gave me a nice job, you've paid for everything for me and I've done nothing but bring you Hell--literal Hell. I fucked everything up for you," I couldn't help the sob that racked through me.
He growled and grabbed my arm, "What the fuck are you talking about? You didn't 'fuck' anything up for me, Daisy. He did, and it was you who said so, remember? You didn't bring me into anything. You are mine and you aren't going anywhere!"
"Please, Preston," I cried, "Just let me go! You shouldn't have to put up with any of this. You should be living your life like a normal person. You should be at the party, dancing and drinking and having fun with your siblings and then bringing some random girl back here and fucking her senseless, but instead, you're here babying me because my fucking past decided to show up and ruin everything!"
I finally looked up into his eyes as I set my suitcase on the ground and pulled up the handle, "I'm leaving, because you're too stupid to realize that you deserve better. I'll do what you can't seem to do, whether out of pity or lust or whatever-the-fuck-else. Just know that I care about you, Preston, and I... I love you, I love you more than I should. Fuck, do I love you..."
I chuckled at the irony because I knew what this was from the very beginning even if he said it was something different, something more.
I fell for him in such a short amount of time and I fucking knew what this was! I knew what I was and all the nothingness I had to offer.
"You love me," he asked in a whisper as he looked into my eyes.
"I do, and that's why I have to let you go. You deserve more than me, Preston. You...you deserve more than me and more than Genevieve and more than Amelia and I'm sorry I couldn't be that something 'more' for you. But I do love you, so fucking much and that's why I'm doing this. Not to hurt you," I cupped his cheek in my hand, "But to show you that you're too good for me. You're too fucking good and you deserve so much more."
"I don't want anything more, Daisy. I want you. I want you and every fucked up thing that crawls out of the dark hole that is your past because I love you too," he held onto my hand.
I placed my hand over my mouth to, again, muffle the sob that escaped.
He loved me? He can't love me.
"Stay the night, baby," he whispered, "Stay the night and we'll see how you feel in the morning. I have a feeling it's just your emotions that are making you feel this way."
He wasn't going to let me leave...
He would make sure that I couldn't leave. He'd stay beside me and never let me out of his sight.
So, I'd have to slip out while he was sleeping...
"Okay," I whispered and then leaned up on my tiptoes to kiss him.
"Make me forget, Preston," I whispered against his lips, "Make me forget about my past, about Hawthorne, about leaving."
He pulled away and looked into my eyes and he must've seen the desperation there. He probably thought it was desperation for him, and while that may be true, the greater part of the desperation was leaving and letting him get his life back on track.
So I would give myself and him this one last night together, and then tomorrow it'll be like I was never here.
