Low pay, New chance Grimmjow x Reader (Book 1)

(Chapter 45) Is it because of Shinji?

"Why can't you be in love with her?"

You mumbled surprising both, while hugging your knees  sitting next to him on the couch, him eyeing you a bit until he understood what you were on about, then looking at the small table in front of him.

"Why do you want me to be in love with her?"

His voice came out  loud enough for you to hear him. He was actually curious about it.

"I dunno."

"Why did you ask in the first place?"

".....because i understand how she feels."

"I am sure that you know that you can't force love Last name."

"....but you two.. she.. you... had..."

"Sex, yes."

Why were you even asking this question? It's not like the two of you were...

You avoided his gaze, your chin on your knees.

"How can you just..."

You trailed. 

" It's just a need."

"That's rude to say don't you think?"

You replied.

"I never did anything she didn't ask of me."

"But why... "

"Tch."

There was a long pause, him shifting in his seat and then standing up going towards the window, seeing the storm start and rain falling.

"You can't have them both."

He remembered Kurosaki's words.

You were sure that this was the end of conversation with him. You sighed laying yourself up in his couch, starring at the ceiling, playing with shirt which you had on you, knowing that you said something stupid, not being able to understand how it works like that because you couldn't even do such a thing.

"Because I was a mess when I lost Naomi."

"Mm..."

You hummed. 

"Are you that afraid of me Your name?"

"......I am not."

He turned towards the couch, standing still close to the window, deciding to pursue this conversation with you.

"Is it that hard to believe that I am attracted to you?"

He blurted it out, annoyance in his voice as he was holding his forehead sighing.

You blushed when you heard those words. 

"...mm....."

You could hear him walking towards you and sitting next to you, looking at your laying form, your arm covering your face.

"I said. That I am attracted to you."

He moved your hand away, seeing you blushing, looking anywhere but not at him.

"Liar."

You mumbled.

"I am not--"

He start but you cut him off.

"What is there to like about me? I am ugly, boring girl which has nothing to offer, not interested in girlish things such as makeup or hairstyle or super sexy tight jeans for fucks sake or god forbid short skirts, i have nothing that attracts a man, and you are saying that a guy such as yourself is attracted to me? Is this just your game so you could get me...? Sweet words because I seem that desperate?"

You mumbled hiding your eyes behind your other hand, voice shaking with every word you said, showing enough of face that he could see your lips and you biting them.

"You are right."

His voice broke your mind, but you were ready for this reply. It's classic and you can't force him right? You are going to end up in the bench again. Friendzone me already... change your damn mind... snap out of it...  thoughts attacked.

"See I told you."

You replied knowing it. Why did you hope for something huh? 

"Let me finish."

"Whatever.."

He moved your hand making you look at him, pining it to the couch so you couldn't cover your face.

"You have strange taste in clothes I give you that, being stubborn as fuck and annoying the hell out of me, not even accepting my help nor listening to me, always in your own world,  not noticing anything around you."

"Reason enough for you to stay away."

You just have to push him away. In that way... you would dodge a bullet, you wouldn't get hurt or lead on, you would just get alone as always, safe... not trying to follow your heart, mixing signals... just stay away darn it... thoughts told you, words that you wanted to tell him out loud but you couldn't... he will tell you.... right..

You tried to cover your face with other hand but he grabbed it, pinning you both hands near your head, his face close to yours.

"Strange thing. I don't want to."

"Uh huh. Because I am the only girl that rejects you huh? You want to get me so I can fall in love with you and then brush it off on my face how you are irresistible."

"Is it because of Shinji?"

Your eyes widened. How does he even know... he probably saw that fucker being close to the classroom... 

"...Shinji doesn't have anything to do about it..."

You hesitated with your answer, since asshole dig a hole in your heart, by that i mean showing you that you can't have someone you like, that you will not find it easy, that you are probably ugly' that you made a big fat mistake by rejecting him and that no one will ever look you like that, more like ruined confidence in yourself because this fucker, him trying to be forceful, even thought you rejected his sorry ass, getting surrounded by girlfriends near your classroom just so he could show you how much he is popular and that you are losing a good catch. You didn't really care about the guy, but the thing is... what he did pissed you off. No reason to get so desperate dude.. just move on.. no is a no.. no need to go for more of -- his words brought you back to reality.

"...he made you think like this."

"....mm..."

You didn't want to answer him with risk of memories coming back in.

"....I know of his moments... when he would get a girl and kiss her in front of you just to get your reaction..."

Grimmjow trailed, knowing that it wasn't good memory... if he didn't had issues.. excuses... if he was able to..

"I wasn't in love with him alright?"

You interrupted his thoughts, your harsh voice cutting through the air as if you knew that he had some kinda of regret in his mind.

"I am sorry."

He mumbled.

".....I m fine... this is nothing."

You mumbled. How many times did you tell those words to yourself in hope that someone would notice your pain? You trailed off deciding to try and give him decent answer about your feelings.

"Are you really?"

He cut you off and then continued.

"Since it seems to me... that you are shaking."

".... I m fine."