Learning how to Breath

Abandoned & empty

It had been four months since my accident with the pole, and now I was jobless. After spending most of my time in my room, binge eating, watching anime, and avoiding everyone I know, my boss had finally fired me after one month of Katrina begging for me to stay on. I felt like the worst scum on earth for avoiding her, but I had no choice since I couldn't stand to see her pained expressions from how little I cared for myself; from oily hair, to barely washed clothes, and caked in dirt on my skin, I looked homeless. Still I was at least trying better now to change things, so there I was in the middle of the night walking outside the mall where I spent my nights, when of course I had bumped into my past again.

I just exited the cafe, my computer case over my shoulder, phone clutched tight in my hand, it was late at night and that was something I didn't feel uncomfortable with, I felt more at ease during the night. The mall near the cafe was abandoned, quiet save for creaking signs in the wind, and the cars that passed on the nearby street. I smiled to myself as I walked around, looking into the empty businesses that I knew were doomed to be demolished.
"Destruction of people's way of life.." I muttered quietly to myself and kept walking, I quickly found myself deep in thought, thinking of all the possibilities open to me now that I no longer worked at Mcdonalds. "One day I'll own a cafe of my own." I decided on this before being drawn out of my thoughts by the sound of a motor approaching, a truck no doubt. How annoying.   I kept a silent eye on the truck, my head bowed low, wondering to myself if the truck looked a bit familiar or not. As I kept walking night bugs chirped around me, comforting me slightly, their chirps almost saying "I'm here for you, you're not alone!" But I knew the idea was absurd. My feet began to move faster as the truck drew closer to me. 
"Save me." I whispered into the warm summer wind. Faster and faster I walked, almost running as I desperately longed for somewhere to hide, but I had already passed an entrance inside the mall, I wasn't going to risk going in an abandoned building where shops were long closed, that would be walking into the hands of my stalker. 
The wind started to blow harder, making the signs above my head creak in disapproval, the clouds above rumbled with the heavy water they carried, the rain to come wouldn't do much for me. Cars passed by on the nearest road still, normally cars coming by me didn't freak me out, but this one seemed so familiar to me. I didn't want to admit the possibility that it could be, however it wasn't impossible that this truck belonged to a friend of Ethan. The boy who finalized me dropping out, the boy who was the best friend of Jacques, who I did not want to think of at the moment. Guess what I want to think just doesn't matter in the end. All I knew was that this truck definitely is stalking me.
I shook my head, clearing away my thoughts to focus on a way to get out of this. Seeing a bush up ahead of me I sighed with relief, I knew behind it lays a bench, and that for a little bit at least, I could rest my feet since they ached. 
The darkness cloaked me as I wore a black dress, and a dark colored jacket over it. I rushed behind the bush and sat on the bench, breathing heavily as I tried to calm my nerves. I felt like I was being chased for that sin, most of all that it was for betraying Jacques, even though he and I never dated each other. If once I could have loved him, now I remain unsure if I should. Someone who can't accept my past, can never accept my future. I typed these events and thoughts into the diary on my phone, stopping part way in to take a deep breath.
After thinking this over for a few moments, I stood up and realized the Toyota was still after me, and very close to me. I decided the bench was no longer safe, and I began to run towards a Greek restaurant that remained open for a little after the cafe's hours. I slid my phone back into my jacket pocket and shook my head, my bangs falling out of the pins, and landing just above my fear drowned eyes. Taking my sleeve over them, they fell over my eyes completely, and my hair was a mess now. I looked into the restaurant and frowned, a family eating together, laughing, and talking. It's just unfair.
'My second night on this walk, and I'm being chased by a damn truck?! At least it should be gone now.' I thought to myself as I slowed down a bit, walking by a couple people as they exited shops that remained open, on the not abandoned side of the mall that is. My mind began to slow down, and I realized I felt at ease now, these people weren't after me despite what I first thought. I'm going to be fine.
"Hey you! Why don't you go suck daddy's cock you homeless slut!"
"Yea! You're in the way! Go to your box and fuck for money!"
"Heh, wash up and I'll pay you for a round or two!"
'thugs.' I bit my lip, looking up through my bangs at the car that was right in front of me, three guys whistled from within, and the fourth person, who sat in the passenger seat was a woman who glared daggers at me. I slowly turned and walked off the road that I had stumbled onto, watching from the sidewalk as the car screeched away hurriedly.  

My mind was off the truck, off the thugs, but I was uneasy, unsure if I should come here anymore. I definitely didn't want to, but how else would I find a job?
I was sitting on a bench, a ways away from a crowd of people that flowed out of this side of the mall, people who came from the movie theater. I was also away from the crowd that was still in shock of my almost unfortunate accident. My mind floated to Katrina again, regret washed over me, I knew for a fact she was still worried for me, and that she was disappointed in what I had let myself become. The fact that I had dropped off of earth, I knew it shattered her. Then I began thinking about my family, my father, my brother, and sister, what did they think? Were they just as upset with me?
My thoughts broke once I saw a box next to me, the box was plastic and on the top it read "Panda Express" it held what I thought to be fried rice, on top of the little box was a fortune cookie; the cookie was broken, partly eaten but still mostly there. I looked around me to see of anyone even noticed me, and when I realized they didn't I grabbed ahold of the cookie, reading the fortune I furrowed my eyebrows.
"You will make a change for the better? What does that mean?!" My thoughts started up again as my mind ran through all the possible outcomes. I could go back to school, face Katrina, or completely change my life. My mind kept going back to putting myself together however, and I had to agree that would be the best one. First I would eat this cookie.

I had eaten the cookie, and the rice which was obviously delicious, and now I was making my way into the mall on the not abandoned side. It looked empty to me even as people flowed out, I knew these businesses would be shut down. In my heart I couldn't see this as anything but abandoned, no one cared, no one knew.